Took me a while to figure out just where the current main Backstage thread had ended up. But I'm back, now.--DVd.
"You're what?" Sid cried.
"Pregnant!" chorused Sendula and Credensa, together.
"We thought you'd be happy," pouted the latter.
"Oh, I am, I am," said Sid, trying to catch up with all the implications of this latest development. "But are you sure that won't, er, cramp your style? Kind of hard to wield a spear with your belly out to here, isn't it?"
Sendula shrugged. "Not so far," she said.
"No, but you're not showing yet," Sid went on impatiently. "I don't think you understand. Pregnant women get enormous. They get tired. They get cranky. They get weird urges for strange food. And they definitely don't go vaulting around Backstage stabbing ferrets, challenging comic book characters, knocking down fifty-foot penises and such! Which, given the predilections of our Authors, could start happening again and any moment! And Generally, pregnant women want to be off their feet more than that. In fact, generally, they even find a certain amount of bed rest in order!"
The amazons looked at each other and laughed. "Husband, Husband," chided Credensa, shaking her head, "don't you think we know all that? And don't you think we know you have an 'in' with the gods? Just get one to write us up a full nine months without incident in one episode, and the problem's solved!"
"Wish I could be sure of that," Sid muttered. "But the 'gods,' as you put it, are unreliable -- even my boss, Deja Voodoo. Remember all that 'on the job training' he threw at us, just for his own amusement?"
"Shh!" hissed Sendula, who had taken a peek below at the signature. "He's here! This might not be the best time to call his sanity credentials into question!"
"Shit!" said Sid. "You're right! He is here!"
"Or it could be a disaster," Sid pointed out. "Weren't you listening when I pointed out the difficulties to my wives?"
"Because you gave me a job to do, and helping us out just now will help us devoted full attention to it."
Sendula sighed. "He's hopeless, sister," she said. "Let's you and me go see if we can find Dabbler. He got us into this -- maybe he'll be willing to help."
"What?" cried Sid. "I thought I got you into this!"
Credensa nodded. "Well, of course you were the one who did the deed. But Dabbler's the one who wrote you doing the deed."
"Really? I thought 'the deed' took place offstage."
Sendula laughed. "We are offstage, remember?"
"Backstage," Sid corrected.
"Whatever. It probably happened during all that foreplay with the Remote, just before the Wonder Woman disaster."
Note: the Wonder Woman disaster happened in episode 132551, for those of you who didn't get to this point via that thread. The Remote foreplay took place in the episode just prior -- that is, episode 130968.
"So," Sendula continued. "What's it going to be, 'Boss?' You gonna help us, turn this over to your 'partner in crime,' or screw things up even worse?"
"Shake your tits at him, sister," Credensa suggested.
"This is the BE AddVenture, isn't it? You're into that sort of thing, or you wouldn't be here!"
"Shake 'em, sister!" Credensa ordered, and started doing likewise. Have I mentioned that they were both naked? And had real big ones? And ... round, and ... j-jiggly, w-with n-nipples the size of -- of bottle-caps... Oh God...
Credensa and Sendula exchanged a smug look, while Sid looked on in amazement, shaking his head. If those things ever fell into the wrong hands...
Meanwhile, Deja Voodoo got out while the getting was good, and wrote those two beautiful but dangerous amazons their damn episode!
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Sat Mar 10 17:19:13 2001
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