“Thank you all for coming today, I’m sure you’ll find this an enlightening presentation.”
It was a rather unextraordinary scene considering who was sitting in front of this projected television screen. Three teens squashed in on an overstuffed red leather couch, facing a humming white light, leaning in various ways with yawns. The guy with thick and curly brown hair raised his hand in the middle.
“Uh, we didn’t come for a presentation.” Rich’s smile was as smug as ever, eyes squinting. “You just sat us down and said if we didn’t watch your power-point we’d be ‘sorry’.” Real big air-quotes. “Coming from you, we picked the safest option.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Marcela gabbed her dark caramel hand in a sarcastic mime, before resting it back on that round Latin backside, which probably would be considered big on most girls if it wasn’t for those absolutely huge breasts on her figure on the fence between curvy and chubby. “Complain all you like, but you’re face to face with destiny here!”
With a click of the wireless mouse in her hand, she revealed the title of her presentation, a corny transition which consisted of big dopey letters dropping down individually. After a painful amount of time, digital confetti and trumpets played out, the letters as clear as day as another line was drawn beneath the title.
Super Terrific Teenage Heroes!!!!!!!!!!
“Oh my god…” Brian face-palmed, almost knocking off his thick-rimmed glasses to the floor. “She actually used Comic-Sans.” The petite little guy made himself try to melt into the couch with his black turtleneck, usually easily able to be ignored, but Marcela wasn’t going to let her bestie get away that easily.
“It’s the best team name ever.” She said proudly with her hands on her wide hips, imagining a cape fluttering behind her. “And you’re about to get your shoes knocked off!”
“Okay, so first off.” The leggy perfectionist on the left side spoke up, Nancy never the one to remain silent when there was something she could improve. “Terrible name. Too long and I just checked the acronym and it’s already taken by many, many, organizations.” She adjusted her perky black locks, each strand held in exact place in a precise cinnamon bun with far-east hair-stick straight from the homeland. “Second, and most damning, we are all nineteen with Brian’s birthday being two months away. That title will be mute quite quickly.”
”Yeah, I mean,” Rich shrugged, putting those strong arms he was so proud of behind his head as leaned back, “are we trying to attract the older pervert market or something?”
“Oh shush you two.” Marcela only smiled brighter, shining white teeth brilliant on her round brown sugar face. “It hasn’t even started.” She clicked away and the screen showed the first issue of the Fantastic 4. “Since the beginning of time, humankind has been fascinated in heroes beyond mortal men. Hercules, Robin Hood, Wonder Woman, Ant-man, are only a few great examples. Not until now though, have we had the-”
”Oh my god, please just get to the part where you pitch the formation of some stupid super team.” Rich groaned, looking to his left and right to see if his friends agreed.
“Fine.” She clicked a dozen times until there was a crude drawing of them obviously scanned on a poor home scanner. “Uh, where was I? Right. Ahem. Take the example of me and my friends. We were just walking calmly along the side-walk and ‘BAM’, a chemical truck flipped over at the same time some wires from the street lamp fell. We were hit dead on as freak storm shot lightning from-”
”What?” Brian raised a hand, as a studious as ever. “That’s not what happened at all! We were exposed to dangerous chemicals that we found buried under the school. Remember? Half the school staff was implicated in the Mafia? Our parents got a huge settlement? Some k1ds have horrible-”
“Ah da da da.” She flicked her wrist. “Unsexy details. If we’re going to properly pitch our team to the community, I’m going to have to change some details for the sake of brevity, you know? No origin story just has people passively waking up one day with their powers like we did.”
”Why didn’t you just say we’re mutants?” Rich flipped his hands up defeated.
“Thought about it.” Marcela shot back with a serious point of her finger. “But it just may raise more questions than we want. Anyways, let’s get to the introductions!” She clicked and Brian groaned, as a crude drawing of him came up. “First, Mister Shrinkage!”
”Could you pick a worse name for me!?” Brian melted as Nancy and Rich had an aneurysm of laughter.
“Watch out dangerous criminals.” Marcela clicked on the mouse a couple more times, proving that this horrible sketch was actually animated. “If you’re head’s too big, you may be faced with shrinking problem of big proportions.” The bandito masked guy in a striped shirt on screen had his head turn into the size of a pea before it blew back up to size, knocking his ass on his feet. “Just pray he doesn’t leave your dick the size of a nub either.” She laughed solo as the drawing grabbed its crotch and ran away. “Of course, this is all reliant if he can get away from his girlfriend to help us.”
”I can do what I want.” Brian stood up straighter. “Coraline doesn’t control me.” He pouted to look angry, but he was just too soft looking to appear anything but adorable.
“Yeah, Marcela.” Rich stuck his tongue out and winked. “You can add Coraline to the team. She can be the ‘Ice-Queen’ and her superpowers can be having Brian’s balls in her purse, yanking him around like a puppet to her will, having complete control of where he is at all times.”
”She doesn’t control me!” Brian whimpered back. “I-I mean like I do what I-”
*Bum-bum-bum-ba*
His phone rang and vibrated and Brian blushed when he looked at the screen. Firming up though, he stuffed it in between the couch cushion and crossed his arms. “J-Just continue the presentation already!”
“Next we have…” Marcela patted her legs to simulate a drum roll before clicking to the next slide and hero. “The Miss-Multiplier!”
Nancy shook her head. “I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t aim lower for something like, The Amazing Asian or something along those lines.” She turned to her right to face the kitchen. At that exact moment, a double of her wiggling her tiny tight body over with a glass of ice-water, delicately strutting forward and handing the glass over before dutifully bowing. Then, Nancy snapped her fingers and this clone fused back into her body, her back sucking her arm in like a loose fibre near a vacuum.
”I thought of it, but I didn’t want to make this a race thing, you know?” Marcela turned to her slides. “Nancy is known as quite the perfect girl among our age-group and it’s not surprising why. She got the top grades in school while retaining the captain-ship of practically every club and sport in high school. How she finds time to look so fine is beyond me.”
A smile crept onto Nancy’s face. “Now, I like this part of the presentation.”
”But criminals beware when you come across her, as you won’t have to deal with just one super student, but two, four or even twelve super-gals who’ll kick your ass back to primary school.”
”Actually, I can only make around six of me(s) until I start feeling light headed.” She rubbed her chin. “I suppose it has something to do with the mass which is extracted from-”
”And the next one!” Marcela rushed on. “Now, what is a group without its loveable rogue. Its Han Solo, its Johnny Storm, its-”
”Please, please.” Rich actually started to wave as if he was being introduced to a stadium. “I’m going to blush here!”
“What?” Marcela tilted her head. “I’m not talking about you. I’m just lamenting our lack of charisma, outside of yours truly of course!” She sighed and shook her head. “Anyways, what we can supply a healthy dose of cockiness, and who could be cockier than-”
”Super Dick?” Rich put her hands up. “I like it, but doesn’t a name have to hide my real name? You know, Richard - Dick?”
“Actually…” She clicked her mouse to reveal Rich’s face. “I’ll introduce the ‘Dick-notist’! He’ll make any baddie think twice of doing their evil deed, making them turn tail and run when they see what he’s packing.” The bulge on the drawing was ridiculously large, much Rich’s dick now in real life, the criminals running in fear.
“I’ll admit it.” Rich clapped his hands. “That sounds pretty cool. I’d like to have a stab at that.”
“And finally, the biggest piece of coolness at the end!” She spun around and stretched her arms out wide. “Moi! The Incredible Hull!” She stretched. “Super strong, super invulnerable, super hot!” She knocked on her head, her super skin wobbling. “I’m a walking tank now, so baddies beware!”
“We know this already, Marcela.” Brian gave a long sigh, pushing down on his vibrating phone. “Can you just finish the presentation?”
“Okay, you know that, but do you know…”She reached behind her back, under her shirt to reveal a shiny black pistol, clearly that one her daddy had in his closet safe. “That I could do this?”
”NO!” They all cried.
*BLAM!*
*Clink*
The gunfire stung all the teens ears, the casing falling to the floor smoking, but there was violence to be had. No gore, no guts, no Tarantino-worthy scene splattered upon the projection screen. Instead, the shrapnel of lead stuck out of her temple with the tiniest imprint before being sucked in side like a sinking rock in a lake. She then popped her tongue out, the bullet on the tip before she spat it to the coffee table. “Ta-da!”
“The fuck, Marcela!?” Brian made exaggerated gestures to the evidence on the floor.
“That was really reckless of you!” Nancy huffed standing up right. “We had no idea you could do that!”
“Oh I wasn’t in danger.” Marcela smiled back. “I could, like, get hit by a train and I’m sure that I’d be fine.” She turned around clicking her mouse yet again. “So, once we get the costumes, this pitch will look better, but what do you guys think?”
“No.”
“Nope, nope.”
”Sorry but, no.”
“Darn it.” Marcela snapped her fingers. “Back to the drawing board then!” Her optimism was unrelenting, even as she turned the lights back on. “I just think we can do some real good with our powers, you know?”
“I agree with you Marcela, I really do.” Brian put his phone into his pocket and put a hand on her shoulder. “But that stuff was really corny.”
”Yeah…” Nancy gagged. “I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that stuff. You can’t pass those costumes off seriously anymore. Superheroes have got an edge to them now.”
”Hmm…” Marcela nodded, “I think I understand what you’re getting at.”
”Plus, I think I could think of a much better way to make this town a better place.” Rich chuckled before grabbing his crotch in sweatpants. “Just give me a day with my big vanilla stick and I’ll have every villain in town quivering.” He shrugged. “Where ever they are.”
”Ooo!” Marcela clapped. “That’s a great idea! Let’s come back here tomorrow with our ideas on how to make this town a better place to live!”
”That’s a good idea.” Brian stretched up. “Now I’ve got to-”
*Honk-Honk*
The car horn outside was certainly loud, but it was nothing compared to the harsh cry from outside.
“Brian, you ass! I’ve been waiting five whole minutes for you to get out of your stupid friends’ house! What’s taking so long?”
Nancy’s tongue clicked on her teeth. “Coraline is much like a siren of old myths, you know. If that siren’s call sounded like a vulture, and they only attracted those who won’t stand up for themselves.”
“Guys, it’s been a tough week for her. She’s been-”
“Week?” Rich rolled his eyes. “She hasn’t changed her tune in the four months you’ve dated her. She hates us, she hates you and I swear she hates herself.” He crunched his palms together, a collapsing demonstration of hate. “Just a bundle of hatred taking form in the body of some French model.” He sighed. “But she is hot though…”
”Guys, guys.” Brian hand his hands out in full-defence. “Just trust me to handle this. If you’re really my friends, I just need your support while going through this rough patch of the relationship.”
“That’s why it’s been so hard!” Marcela’s arms waved. “We love you but you refuse to let me punch some sense into her! These last few months should have been fun with our new superpowers but we’re still talking about your poor choice in women.”
”Marcela, when you ‘punch sense’ now,” he put up air quotes. “You put holes in steel.”
“Just let me know when then!” Marcela huffed with a sigh.
“You guys aren’t seeing the same side I do.” Brian gave a weak smile. “I mean, sometimes I-”
*Honk-Honk-HOOOOOOOOONK*
“I swear, I swear to God I’m leaving you here and letting your nerdy ass walk home!”
”Alright then.” Brian resigned and grabbed his tiny black backpack. “I’m off then. Text you guys later.” He scurried past the disappointed looks of his friends and headed out the front door.
Nancy sighed, “I probably should get going to. I’ve got some stuff waiting at home, and even with the ability to clone myself, it’s going to take a really hard and long time.”
Rich blushed and rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, me too. See you tomorrow Marcela?”
”Of course!” She gave an animated thumbs up. “Don’t forget to give some thought to the heroing idea!”
”You’re not too upset that we rejected your… uh… eccentric proposal and are leaving?” Nancy picked up her black bag and tilted her head.
“Naw.” She waved her hand. “I mean, I’ll retool it and get you excited with another idea. Plus, I really want to see my boyfriend Allan tonight! You know for some…” She gave some excited moans, hands running through her curly chocolate hair.
“We got it…” Rich waved. “Bye guys. I’ll be back tomorrow with my…” He shrugged, “findings?”
“Don’t do anything crazy, alright?” Nancy winked as she kissed her friend on her cheek. “We all know how headstrong you can be at times, so just take a deep breath before you do something rash, got it?”
“Got it!” Marcela waved as her friends crossed her front lawn, continuing to smile even after closing the door. “Now..” She rubbed her chin. “What crazy thing can I do make them see things my way…?” She snapped.
“Got it!”
Fri Jun 15 20:29:26 2018
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