"Seriously, who taught her to talk like that?" Dick said.
"Welp he's dead." Nigel quipped.
"Nice knowing you, interloper." Doctor Liebert smirked as she took two steps away from Dick and pulled out an umbrella.
Suddenly the room melted away, time and space itself seemed to decay into everything and nothing at the same time as clouds whipped by, bleeding light upward from them as they passed. From the heavens a blinding light with four arms extending from it, with a golden rune lined array, from which four flaming white angel wings were attached, as well as four chains from which four gargoyle dogs snarled and snapped.
"YOU GODDAMN LITTLE SHIT!! I AM VAVIEL, CHERUBIM, CH1LD OF THE SEVEN HEAVENS, FORMER RECORD KEEPER OF THE COURT OF YGGDRASIL, ENEMY OF NYARLATHOTEP!! I HAVE LIVED FOR 800,000 OF YOUR INSIGNIFICANT EARTH YEARS, WATCHED OVER THE LIFE OF DOZENS OF WORLDS!! I. AM. NO. FUCKMOTHERING. CH1LD!!!!!" All of Dick's skin is flayed off, along with his muscle, as a hand of light holds onto his soul. "NOW BE GRATEFUL I'M A BENEVOLENT BEING, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!" All of his being is rapidly restored as the room suddenly returns to normal. Dick has thoroughly soiled himself.
"Nigel, please get our guest a change of clothes." Vaviel, The Mistress calmly says, now back in her original form, like her tirade never happened.
"Right away, Mistress!!" Nigel says with a smile, running off, no one noticing he had pissed himself as well.
"But, you look..." Dick prodded. Methinks the boy has a death wish, as Vaviel throws him so much shade the room actually goes dark.
"Interloper, you seriously need to learn to SHUT ZE FUCK UP." Doctor Liebert said, shaking off her umbrella, coated in blood-like liquid light. "Ze Mistress is a cherubim, one of ze class of angels. While all angels psychologically mature around ze equivalent of 100 Earth years, each class physically ages differently, cherubim being ze slowest of zem all. Our Mistress von't even reach physical puberty until she is at least 2,400,000 Earth years old. Basically, she ages ze equivalent of Earth year for every 200,000 Earth years she lives until she is fully grown in another 3.2 million years."
Vaviel blushes, "Doctor, why must you always tell people about my age?"
Doctor Liebert laughs, "Vell, if I didn't, you vould immolate all ze new recruits ze moment they said something to you about it."
Vaviel also chuckles, "Yeah, you got me. I would..."
Dick thinks to himself nervously, "And she's supposed to be benevolent?!"
Doctor Liebert finally cuts the reverie short and says, "Vell, to ze reason ve came here. It seems our favorite co-owner has been siphoning ze Bi-669 again and trying to manipulate to her vhims despite not knowing a thing about to truly handle it."
Vaviel groans, "That girl and her cabal... I still can't comprehend what they hope to get out of turning people into misogynists, hookers, thugs, perverts, sluts, and pseudo-bimbos, and then trying to slip them out of the veil outside of some cash and possibly us caught?"
"Cabal? Veil?" Dick asks.
"Right." Doctor Liebert remarks, "I didn't get to zat part in our walkthrough. Most of our time was consumed with zat exposition dump on true bimbos, given zat is what your sister has become."
"Oh, your sister became a bimbo? A most joyous blessing!!" Vaviel exclaims.
"H- How is that a blessing? Why did you transform her? Why- why won't you change her back?!"
The room goes dark and Dick finds himself in space, hundreds of millions of galaxies floating in it. "A metric shitton of time ago, before this particular multiverse cluster's Big Bang... By the way, 'multiverse theory' is true and then some, all the gods came into being... blah, blah, blah, anyhow, after several realities most of the gods weren't too fond of and which they squabbled over, including attempts to just rule their own set of realities, which given some of their egos didn't go as well as you would think, this multiverse cluster was set up, initially as an agreement to equally govern it between the five genomes: Mortus, Deius, Demus, Zoa, and Fae. However, the reality was had always been a vast power imbalance in the five genomes, most of the gods being of the Deius sect. It was in this set of universes that the gods, under the advice of the eldritch messenger Nyarlathotep, emissary of Astathoth the All-Seeing Idiot, decided to consolidate their power and declare themselves the one true sect of gods over all others. The coup was swift, and before we knew it, the gods of Deius now were masters of all. They sought to place all of their lesser species they created in charge of supervising this multiverse and the lifeforms that it birthed. The Deius were annoyed when at first it seemed the evolution of was going to favor beings of Demus and Fae origin, as creatures of Mortus and Zoa forms the Deius found were easier for them to control..."
"See, ze gods of each of ze genomes had other genomes zey complimented and others zey clashed with, moreso with lesser beings zey created or allowed to evolve..."
"I think he could infer that, Doctor." Vaviel states.
"You never know. He does seem like ze dum-dum type."
"Point taken. At any rate, The Deius gods installed their lifeforms to monitor the multiverse as, to their satisfaction, more Mortus lifeforms began to pop up in the younger parts of the universe. As you have guessed, you humans are a Mortus lifeform, thus where the term 'mortal' comes from, and of course from Deius you get 'deity,' Demus' demon, 'Fae' fairy, and 'Zoa' zoo. As it was, the Deius gods had designed it so that we cherubim were to be the ones that arbitrated over the matters of love for the Mortus and Zoa, but... we actually weren't the best at it. We were really better at strategy and keeping records. Most of us are far too young, even though we have the psychological maturity to understand the concept, to be dabbling in love, in my opinion. In reality, a race that was far better at playing cupid were... the succubi..."
"Succubi?!" Dick blurts.
"DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!!" Vaviel shrieks, almost losing it.
"I can understand your trepidation, interloper, but remember zat history is often written by ze vinners, and then rewritten as often as it suits them. You can see it happening even now with your President." Doctor Liebert remarks.
Vaviel regains her composure, then continues, "Listen here, you little shit. The good name of the succubi has been dragged through the proverbial mud for eons since they tried to pick up our slack. Yes, they are of the Demus genome, and we cherubim of the Deius, but as I understand it, this multiverse was supposed to have been shared fairly, and what do the gods do when find out? After slandering their name, they enact a mass genocide of their kind, then harshly punish any who stand up for them. The only Deius that defied his kin and stood up for them was the one you Mortus know as Lucifer, and he was killed for his transgression, his name made into a boogeyman for the Mortus races. That opened up an open season on the Demus, and when the Fae argued against this as well, after the Demus were practically obliterated, the Fae in turn were targeted. Now, 97% of all Demus and Fae across all of reality have been exterminated. There are only 562,870 known succubi left in existence, 21,024 of them live and work at the carnival." Vaviel pushes a button on a nearby desk. "Anjo, please come in here for a moment."
A timid voice comes over an intercom, "U- Um, okay, ma'am..." What steps in surprises Dick. Here was a woman, she had the classic thick spaded tail and curved ram-like devil horns succubi are depicted with, along with a seemingly unnatural beauty to her face and body on par with the bimbos Dick has seen today, including his sister, the Doctor, and her sister. She even had pretty impressive breasts, roughly F to G-cups, which while clearly not bimbo big, were definitely bigger than the average bosom. However, instead of having big bat or demon wings, her wings were smooth jet black angelic wings, but moreso was the fact was dressed rather conservatively, wearing jeans (with a small hole for her tail) and a green long sleeved turtleneck sweater. The biggest surprise to Dick though was her posture and nature. She was twiddling her fingers nervously while looking down shyly, like she was embarrassed just to be in the room.
"Wh- What was it you n- needed, Mistress? Something to drink? The R'yleth reports?"
"Actually, I simply needed to prove a point to this mortal." Vaviel stated. She looks back over to Dick and tells him, "You mortals have been told, programmed to believe succubi are ravenous harlots that feed on the sexual energy of men and even some women, depending on who you ask. This could be further from the truth. While there have one or two that did that, and because of those bad seeds' examples the gods of Deius were able to perpetrate those vile rumors about their kind, almost all succubi are actually like Anjo here, very timid beings with nearly non-existent libidos but burdened with alluring bodies that can bolster the lust of other lifeforms, but their true power, their true power is actually like that ability you humans now associate with my kind - they are pretty much the perfect cupids, able to search across space and time and fate to help find someone their special someone and bring them both true love. Because a demon could promote true love better than anything they could ever make, the Deius sought to purge all of their kind before expanding to their whole genome. The Fae objected, as well as tried to help the Mortus be more powerful than they could on their own, and show them the truth of Deius' agenda, so they had to die as well. Luckily much of the Zoa were too dumb to object, favoring raw power and instinct over intellect, so the Deius left them be. Thus, once it was decided almost all of the 'undesirables' had been purged, Nyarlathotep, the mastermind of all of this, used his master's power to enact a set of seals, seals derived from hate, to throw the Deius, Demus, and Fae out of phase from the Mortus and Zoa, and without special keys, we could not interact with mortals. That was roughly about the time you called 'The Renaissance.' It was also about that time I abandoned my post to hide in this phase of reality in order to begin a plan to overthrow the Deius gods and set right reality."
"How does overthrowing gods got to do with what you did to my sister and the others?" Dick exclaimed.
"Simple. To battle a seal made of hate one needs love. Lots of love. About 170 years ago I came across this simple carnival being ran by an aging wizard going by the name of Zoltar. Obviously that wasn't his real name, but that didn't matter to me. Most of his attractions were sleight of hand, but he did have two attractions where he use genuine magic; his Hall of Potential Mirrors, where patrons could be transformed into the thing that their heart desired most, which they could see in the mirrors, and a Tunnel of Love, where he did his best to simulate the power of the succubi to call people together that would truly love one another to it. His original plan had been to pass the park on to a second cousin named Prudence, but as her name pointed out, her parents were heavily religious and eventually forbade her from having contact with her cousin Zoltar, despite herself having an interest in magic, which left his uppity brat Nia, a whelp that thinks she's the Wizard King or something and considers non-magical mortal her 'playthings.' She began to set up her influence more and more on this park as his power waned, and was the force that actually changed it from the Carmel Carnival to the Carnal Carnival. He decided he was going to leave the carnival to me, but when Nia objected, threatening to raise such a fuss that it would draw so much attention as to trigger the hidden anti-magic combat functions of the Pope, which is actually his real function by the way, we were forced to eke out a deal with to split the carnival in half. The rules of this agreement are supposed to be that we basically keep to ourselves, with the caveats that my workforce do maintenance on her attractions while she maintains a special barrier that technically removes the carnival from normal space-time as her cabal of mages helps supply her with mana and operate her attractions, as well as act as her proxies as she is unable to leave her tower on the western side of the park without breaking the spells hiding us."
"What the what?"
"Remember earlier ve mentioned ze 'having to hide magic thing lest ze Pope finds out?' Nia's magic allows us to operate outside normal space und time, allowing ze carnival to be set up anywhere in ze world ve vant, vith people from all across ze entirety of this carnival's existence. There are people from the 1850's still here interacting vith people who from your time frame have yet to exist, proving that in at least some possible outcome of reality that ve still haf not succeeded in our master plan."
"That in a sense sums up part of what is going on." Vaviel adds, "Another aspect is again hiding what we are doing from the old gods and their watchdog the Pope. Trust me, it's not fucking pretty if he were to detect us. I've seen a Pope activate before. I mean, he goes all Ultraman and starts breathing atomic fire shit and everything!!"
"You guys still seem to dodging the que..."
"Alright. Truth time." Vaviel grabs Dick's shoulders. "You want to know why we did what we did to your sister. I figure you deserve it. You'll be living with her for the rest of your life, so this is the least I can do."
"The least you can do is change her back!!"
"No can do, shit stain. See, we don't turn people into bimbos lightly. All those servers you saw when you came in here? They're dedicated to trying to analyze the karmic fates of everyone that enters these grounds, but the infinity of the multiverse is well, infinite. We cannot predict every possible outcome. Nothing can. However, our systems, thanks to Doctor Liebert and our neo-shamans can prove accurate about 88% of all karma in 85% of all possible universes in this multiverse cluster. This gives us a roughly three in four chance of being accurate throughout all space and time in regards to the fates of mortals, and we pick those humans that, when we look at their fates over and over, we only get tragic results. After 100 quintillion results, we saw in 98.9% of every scenario projected that her karmic fate was one of bleakness and sadness. It is those people we have transformed into bimbos, as it is the only way for them to escape such insurmountable despair and still be able to contribute to our plan of breaking the Seals."
"While it appears bimbos are simply sex personified, brain scans show ze parts of ze brain associated with lust do not fire. They actually feel some form of actual love for those zey fuck, therefore... eh, bimbos let us fudge ze numbers a bit ven it comes to breaking zat seal. Otherwise it vould take us several million years to do vat ve project can succeed in doing within ze next century. Bimbos are just zat effective."
"That... That's just..."
"Cold? Callous? Wrong?" Vaviel replies, "I know those are the words you are thinking, but when you see the terrible lives these people would live, ending up quadriplegics, homeless, deaf-mutes, stranded in wastelands with no hope of rescue, creating horrible doomsday weapons that end human life, in prison for life, dead, serial jaywalkers; and other horrible fates. The things we do here at this carnival, bimbofication included, changes the karmic fates of those affected..."
"But you're warping peoples' minds!!"
Doctor Liebert chimes in, "The only transformation ve induce that alters ones mind in any shape or form is bimbofication... at least for those zat vander into our half of ze park."
"Nia appears to be on board with our ultimate plan, but she seems to be exploiting the situation for her own financial and personal gain, altering people in ways that amuse her and can make her make money, and just enough that they don't leave a strong trace of magic so she can send them back out into the outside world to make her even more money. She also seems to harvesting the lust energy her victims and their partners generate that we have no use for to use for something, but we can't find out what yet thanks to her cabal defenses." Vaviel coughs, then shakes her head. "However, that is more internal politics that I won't bother you with right now. Needless to say, we only keep her around because we lack a way to replicate her space-time magic, and she does have her father's power of reality warping and wish fulfillment, powers she has been bastardizing by manipulating our research, i.e. her stealing some of our Bi-669, to twist the desires of others, but in their pure state can be useful in implementing our plan."
"Your plan?"
"The Seals of Astathoth were put in place to keep the genomes segregated as to allow the Deius the chance to finish their genocide in seclusion. What Nyarlathotep did not mention to most was that they were built, and are powered, on hate. With a sufficiently powerful drill of love and a reality warping wish, we should be able Law of Cycles this mofo and reset this multiverse, at which time the senior members of the carnival will become the new gods of this universe, while I will transcend all of reality, expunge the corrupt gods, bear the burden of the old gods and thus allowing us to undo the genocides they committed, and then when done remove the veil on the carnival, allowing the transformed carnival goers back into the world to help truly bring balance to the multiverse..."
Dick blinks his eyes in confusion. "Can I buy pot from you?"
"I'm guessing you've never watched Madoka Magica?"
"Um, no..."
Vaviel sighs...
Nearly 5 hours later...
"So wait, Homura goes through ALL that, and Madoka just ends up removing herself from existence to carry the burden of all magical girls throughout time, thus denying Homura her wish?" Dick says as the end credits of the last episode of Puella Magi Madoka Magica are playing on a large screen.
"Yeah, but as a result, it does away with witches entirely im perpetuum. No magical girl ever has to suffer that fate when their hearts sink into despair and their soul gems finally break. That is basically my plan to a T. When the Seals of Astathoth are broken, I will take on all the suffering the succubi and all the other races slaughtered by the Deius gods and transcend beyond all known comprehension as those that helped make this happen will ascend to become the new gods of this multiverse as it resets."
Dick looks at the menu on the screen. "Hey, what's this 'Puella Magic Madoka Magica The Movie: REBELLION?'"
"FUCK REBELLION!! IT WAS JUST AN ATTEMPT TO JUST ARTIFICIALLY EXTEND THE FRANCHISE BY MAKING HOMURA GO BATSHIT CRAZY IN THE LAST 15 MINUTES!!"
"Ze Mistress... She doesn't like ze Rebellion."
"Um, I can tell."
"IT WAS A SHIT MOVE, I TELL YOU!!" Vaviel exclaims. "Wait, speaking of, I still smell shit."
"Nigel has not returned with ze interloper's clothes."
"That must be why I still smell shit." With a furious lighting bolt she immolates Dick's clothes, leaving him naked, but now the air was permeated with smell of burning shit. "THAT FIXED NOTHING!!" She began to chase Dick around, shooting lightning at his ass.
"How is this my fault?!" Dick screams. "YOU PEOPLE ARE INSANE!!"
Alright, that was a big reveal as to what is going on behind the scenes. However, do we stick around here, or go see what is going on elsewhere in the carnival?
Thu Aug 16 09:35:27 2018