What followed went depressingly like the first time. For days thereafter, Fitzgerald was too depressed to think about it, much less write about it in a continuation of the thread. Partly, it was because it kept happening, again and again. After all, he had the following week booked pretty solid with favorite fantasy dates of his, few of whom had previously given him the time of day but all of whom now, oddly enough, were practically falling over each other to give “the benefit of the doubt” to an author they had heard such disquieting rumors of during the Monster’s Ball crisis or before. Unable to believe his fortune, he had said “Yes” to far too many before the true dimensions of his disability had become apparent. And he was too much of a gentleman to leave them hanging, even if they kept doing so, night after night. The spirit was willing, but the flesh continued to prove stubbornly uncooperative!
And so it went.
Patti Farinelli: “There, there, it happens to the best. Except JigSaw, of course...”
Liv Lindeland: “Poor baby, you must be tired...”
Sharon Johansen: “You know, my ex used to have a problem like this, what always worked in his case was—”
Sharon Johansen (again): “I’m sorry, this really isn’t your night, is it?”
June Parlor and Linnae Wilcox (together): “It wasn’t that joke we made about hauling you down to the station house, was it?”
Catherine Bell: “There, there, it happens to every guy now and again. I bet it was too much Pinot Noir. Say, didn’t you say you had another bottle?”
Samantha Fox (the “singer,” not the porno actress): “Looks like it needs a new nickname, Scotty. How about ‘Droopy’?”
Karen Price: “It’s all right, no, really, it happens to lots of guys. Well, except JigSaw...”
Samantha Fox (the porno actress, not the “singer”): “Don’t worry about it, Tex, we get it all the time in the business. I have some drugs that—no? Suit yourself...”
(Yes, it’s true. Fitzgerald had been getting desperate. But not that desperate!)
And still the girls were lining up! Hell, some were even willing to extend the benefit of the doubt to a second chance! Fitzgerald didn’t have the heart to turn them away entirely, but he didn’t have the heart to continue parading his problem, either. A string of platonic lunch dates followed, with Fitz’s reputation as a gentleman rising higher and higher even as his self-esteem drooped lower than his member, and his bar tab went through the roof.
He was back at the Men’s Health Club, and Dabbler was running the shower over his head again, once more to try to sober him up. It was deja vu all over again.
“Okay, okay, I’m awake!” Fitz coughed. “C’mon, Dab, turn off the water!”
“Fitz, I and the others just can’t keep picking you up and drying you out like this! It’s embarassing! People are starting to talk!”
“Yeah, I can just bet what they’re starting to talk about!” Fitz snarled. “It’s the fact I can’t get to first base, right?”
“Huh? With the swath you’re cutting through all the unattached beauties on the Model floor? T, man, even JigSaw’s jealous! What are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Your drunkeness, naturally. Shit, man, if I was getting all that I wouldn’t be putting myself under the table every night! (Well, not alone, anyway!)”
“No, you’d be on the lam from Dolly and Gidget, I bet,” Fitz muttered.
“That was cruel. True, but cruel. So, um, I take it that what we’re seeing isn’t the full story?”
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Mon Sep 30 10:53:06 2002
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