"Bruce, you pathetic idiot!" screamed the She-Hulk. "What's wrong with you? Get up! Kill her!"
Her cousin looked up at her with a look of pure hate. "I did what you told me to," he spat back. "What did you expect? You're the one who forgot to—"
But Rincewind didn't find out what exactly the She-Hulk had forgotten. At that moment, time froze for her.
"So much for the magic user," sniffed Dr. Alchemy, blowing off the end of his philosopher's stone after transforming Rincewind into petrified wood. "Good thing I didn't wait for you and your stooge to get your acts together, Shulkie, we'd all be dead by—"
And that was all he got the chance to say, as D.J. exploded his head with the last of her mana.
"Bruce!" the She-Hulk screamed. "Release!"
The scrawny man smiled. "Ah," he said. "It's about time you let me get properly mad..." He took a step toward her. And started to change....
His cousin's eyes widened and she turned and fled suddenly for her desk, yanking out a drawer and pulling an odd device with a small, projecting antenna. "No you don't!" she cried. "If your controls are wearing off, we'll just switch to another frequency! She stabbed at a button, and he halted in mid-step.
Meanwhile, Bruce continued to change. His skin went olive. He grew in stature. His non-existent muscles filled out. His emaciated face and chinless jaw bulked out, becoming beefy. His pants, uninhibited by the Comics Code, shredded completely, revealing a dong at least two feet long. The rest of him expanded proportionally; in moments he was more than seven feet tall, with biceps bigger than his head, and very, very green. He struggled against his paralysis, gnashing his teeth.
"Not us!" shouted the She-Hulk. "If you want to be able to move, the Pilgrims are your targets!"
The brute that had been Bruce attempted to turn, and found he could do so. His lips parted in a ghastly grin. "Now!" he roared, leaping toward the petrified Rincewind, "Hulk SMASH!!!!"
"Stop!" She-Hulk barked.
The Hulk froze in place, growling in impotent fury.
"She's already dead, you moron," she snapped. Her head whipped around toward the other captives. "Surrender!" she shouted. "Or he really will smash!"
But the fight was already over. Wonder Woman had been beaten senseless. Mort was a plastic statue. Rincewind was petrified wood. JigSaw, D.J., and Sindy were on the ground groaning, barely conscious. Only Dabbler remained fully awake, shivering, watching the Hulk through eyes alive with dread. She knew her comics, and realized this was the end. The fight had gone out of her.
Nodding, she raised her shaking hands feebly at the She-Hulk's ultimatum. It was a move she would have cause to regret....
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Sat Aug 9 00:09:48 2003
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