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This adheres well to manga-style pacing and plot development! Reproducing that "feel" in a pure-text medium is impressive. (I did find myself having to re-read earlier sections to work out what was going on, or to remember which character was who whenever a name was dropped, but I suspect this is an unavoidable consequence of following manga-style pacing. Manga allows the reader to absorb visual information extremely quickly, but since pure text doesn't have the "1 frame = 1000 words" advantage, the only way to get the same pacing is to have extremely short descriptions of appearances and actions.)
I look forward to seeing where this goes.