Ever have a question you couldn't put into words? Well, more like what is happening is your brain is parsing too many questions all at once so you cannot simply pick one. Questions like, for example, why had Chisame called Asuna on video conference and only then seem to notice her breasts were on full display? Who was the unlucky person deserving of Evangeline's death gaze? Why did Chachamaru have Evangeline's foot nestled in her cleavage and why was her hand rather obviously goosing Chisame's raised rear?
Ultimately the only question Asuna could think to lead with had to be "Did you girls want something?" because the others somehow felt a little bit... Rude.
"Yes!" Chisame hurriedly said, adjusting her dress for the purposes of modesty. "No matter what, stay on this conference call! Please don't ask why!"
Well, that just raised further questions! How terribly helpful. Asuna folded her arms and huffed. Such strange behaviour. What on earth could have caused something like this? Chisame going over to Evangeline's cottage? What possible reason could she have to go over there?
"Has Chamo been up to mischief again?" she cautiously asked. "I swear, that little ermine better not have done anything."
"Never mind that!" Evangeline snapped, roughly pushing Chisame out of the way. "You just stay on the line and do not ask any questions. You hear that?" She flexed her hands as if throttling someone. "The importance of this cannot be stressed enough!"
"Would you like me to give you another foot massage?" Chachamaru asked.
"No!" Evangeline said. "Argh! This situation is impossible! When I find the person responsible -"
Aha! Just as Asuna was starting to believe. Magic. It had to be something magical. Maybe they'd been hit by a spell, or an enchantment. Some kind of attack? Something even Evangeline couldn't deal with by herself? Wait... That last part felt off somehow. Something Evangeline couldn't deal with? Well, didn't that just boggle Asuna's mind.
"Wait, hold on a moment," Chisame said, shifting in front of the still-fuming Evangeline. "Ah, let me just open this word processor... Can you see that at all, Asuna?"
"See what?" Asuna said. "The word processor? No, of course not."
"Good," Chisame nodded. "Just making sure there wasn't a reflective surface or anything." And then she began to quickly type away at her keyboard, covering up her hand so that Asuna couldn't even see what it was. Honestly now. This privacy thing was really starting to piss her off.
Evangeline read whatever Chisame had typed out on the screen and nodded her head. "Hmph, agreed. In that case..." And then it was her turn to type away.
"Are any of you going to fill me in on what the hell is going on?" Asuna said, frowning a little bit at them. "It is a little rude to call someone up and then ignore them, you know."
"Quiet, you! We're trying to come up with a plan!"
Right. That tore it. Asuna snapped her laptop shut and stormed off right towards Evangeline's cottage. She made a beeline there, stomping off so furiously that it felt like even the trees themselves were getting the hell out of her way. Ten minutes later and she was marching right in through the front door like a storm about to hit, lifted her index finger, opened her mouth and gaped at the sight of Chachamaru sitting lewdly in Evangeline's lap while Chisame was groping her breasts from behind.
"Ah!" Chisame suddenly yelled. "This isn't what it looks like!"
A little-known fact. This is the mating call to the tsundere. Little more in this world will make them hotter or wetter on an unconscious level than hearing those very words uttered by someone caught in an act which could cause inexplicable discomfort or humiliation in whomever it happened to. Indeed, Asuna genuinely had to stop in her tracks to readjust her thinking process upon hearing that utterance. It really did feel like something Negi should have been saying.
"First I will murder the person responsible for this situation," Evangeline twitched. "In the most painful manner I can imagine. And then, once I am done with that, I shall find a way to resurrect them from the brink and murder them again in an even more painful fashion, then repeat that until they can no longer be brought back from whatever lies beyond."
The three of them extracted themselves from their rather lewd position, and Asuna seriously considered just leaving them to it. Hell. If not for the fact that Evangeline and Chisame both shot her a death glare the second she took a step towards the door, she might have well done exactly that.
"So this is the point where one of you tells me what's going on around here," Asuna said, tapping her foot and trying to forget that Evangeline was both pissed off and fully capable of hurting her in ways she was not even personally aware of. Rather difficult to be brave in the face of someone like that. Even when you were as stubborn as she was. "Right? Well? Start talking! Is it magic?"
"No!"
"Yes."
Asuna threw up her hands at the contradictory answers. For the love of - At least get your lie consistent. You'd think this was the first time they'd ever been caught in a compromising position and had to hide what was really going on around here!
"We are leaving," Evangeline said quite firmly. "And you are coming with us."
"And we're going...?"
"To the library for inspiration. Perhaps there I might be able to find some answers..."
"What sort of answers?"
"Fufufufu... There are mysteries in this cosmos that would drive little girls like you completely insane," said the immortal vampire that looked like a little girl. "If you were to behold their non-Euclidean forms, your brittle mind would snap like a twig. And I will personally show you a slideshow of them if you ask me any further questions."
"You will have to excuse her," Chisame whispered. "She's been in a bit of a bad mood ever since... Well, never mind that."
Have you ever been in the room with someone talking on the phone? It's frustrating, right? You can only hear one side of the conversation and your brain tries to fill in the blanks for you. Right now that's where Asuna was. It was like looking at a jigsaw where all the middle pieces were missing. You could see around the edges of it, but the picture itself was still a total mystery.
However. This did present Asuna with a pretty good opportunity. With Chisame right next to her and Eva fuming over there next to Chachamaru, this was the perfect opportunity to grab Chisame, yank her out of the room and close the door for a quick quiet chat.
"Ah!" Chisame yelled. "W-Wait a minute, we should probably bring those two with us!"
"Oh?" Asuna said, tilting her head and feigning stupidity. "And why might that be? Is it something to do with the magic thing the two of you are and aren't dealing with right now?"
If there was anything you could admire about Chisame, it was her performance ability. Her expression changed so smoothly and quickly that Asuna almost believed it. "Oh, that?" Chisame sighed. "Oh, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. You know how Evangeline can be when she gets into a mood. It might be for the best if you went with her to the library without asking any questions."
"Really now. You don't say?" Asuna said, idly noting that Chisame was reaching her hand for the doorknob. "And what if I say no? After all the weird things that've happened around us, I'd much rather look before I leap these days."
Now, that might sound harsh. However. From Asuna's point of view it was an act of kindness. If the three of them were in some sort of trouble and they needed her help, it seemed to her that the best thing to do would be to talk about it with her. After all. She didn't want to accidentally make things worse for them because she misunderstood what was going on. Like Chisame said. "It's not what it looks like." Okay. Then what was it in the first place?!
Which was right when the door opened, revealing Chachamaru standing in the doorway with her arm holding the handle. This by itself wasn't of any particular note, save for the fact that her other arm was tucked underneath Eva's butt, and the vampire's legs were squeezing tightly around the cyborg's waist, while her head was, however briefly, buried quite contently within the robotic bosom.
"Gah!" Eva yelped, disentangling herself quickly from this position, quicker than any human could. "It will rain tears of blood and viscera by the time I am done! You! Leave me alone again without permission and you too shall meet my wrath!"
Asuna considered that, mulled it over, took in the expression from within Evangeline's eyes and quickly nodded. "The library then?" she said, silently resolving to get to the bottom of this as soon as opportunity permitted.
Wed Oct 07 20:00:49 2015