Back in her own classroom. Nabiki was waiting for the shoe to drop.
Now, despite the impression that she gives of being this all knowing schemer, the truth about Nabiki is much simpler. She’s a young woman with above average intelligence… surrounded by utter morons. The fact that Tatewaki Kuno is the most popular guy in school really says it all about the general intelligence of the Furinkan population doesn’t it?
Whispers had already reached Nabiki’s ears about the (really hot) foreign student who had joined Akane’s class. And so, Nabiki was waiting for the opportunity to pop up. She knew that, sooner or later, some miracle would drop into her lap that would provide another wonderful source of hilarity.
“Nabiki Tendo.” And Nabiki’s wish was granted in the greatest way possible.
“Well heloooo Kuno-baby.” Nabiki batted her eyelashes at him. “What brings you here today?”
“This is my classroom Nabiki Tendo.” Kuno said flatly.
“Oh? And here I thought you were just one of my stalkers. Oh wait. Akane’s the girl you stalk.” Nabiki said sweetly.
“To call the affection I give my love such a term is a new low for you.” Kuno responded.
“Sexual harassment then? Good old fashioned Assault? Give me a hint Kuno-baby.”
“Every day my loathing for you only grows.” Kuno said.
“You wound me.” Nabiki said without the slightest trace of sincerity. “So what brings you here today? I already sold you the ice skating shots of Akane and Ranma.” (“I did not purchase any photos of Saotome” He protested.) “Did you, perhaps, find a new victim?”
“Tis nothing of the sort!” Kuno shouted. “Nabiki Tendo, I merely heard that your home is giving shelter to a fair maiden of Chinese descent. Come to learn from Japan’s superior education system. I helped her enroll, and wish to know if there is anything I can do to aid her.”
Oh yes. This was perfect. Nabiki made a note to drop the fact that Kuno was the one to get Shampoo into school around Ranma some time. The question became, what to tell Kuno? She generally made it a policy of telling the truth. Not due to any moral reasons of course. But simply because it was more amusing to stretch the truth and watch idiots jump the completely wrong conclusion. All it took, most of the time, was leaving out a bit of information that created a completely different context. But then her grin became wider as she realized this was Kuno. He already had a completely stupid impression of Ranma, she didn’t even have to stretch the truth in the slightest!
“One thousand yen.” Nabiki said first. She had her principles, after all. Never do for free what idiots would pay for. Kuno handed over the bills without complaint. After counting them to make sure he got it right, she pocketed the money and began her explanation.
“Shampoo is from a small village in backwater China. It’s a matriarchal society, you know, women rule and all that.”
“How strange. A place where women rule, not knowing the roles the heavens placed them…” Kuno murmured.
Nabiki rolled her eyes, “Well don’t worry Kuno-baby. I know my place and yours. Anyways. Continuing on, these women are strong and dangerous fighters. You know the Pig-Tailed Girl?”
“Yes? Does the Pig-Tailed girl come from this strange village?” Kuno asked.
“Nope. She was just visiting while training in China with her dumb panda.” Nabiki said. “And, well, I don’t know all the details but Shampoo and the Pig-Tailed Girl ended up having a fight. The Pig-Tailed girl won.”
“Indeed. Such a fierce flower could not help but win…”
“Ah but here’s the tricky part. You see, the village has a law. If a woman warrior loses to an outsider woman. In this case, the Pig-Tailed Girl, she is to be given the Kiss of Death. An oath to hunt her down to the ends of the Earth and kill her.”
“She wishes to kill my beloved!” Kuno shouted, drawing his bokken from nowhere, “I will not permit her to-” Now, Nabiki usually wasn’t one for violence. But sometimes you needed to hit a dumb animal to get them to listen. In this case, a biology textbook to the head.
“Another thousand yen for interrupting me, unless you want to not hear the rest of the story. Don’t worry, Kuno-Baby, the Pig-Tailed Girl isn’t in any danger.”
Ignoring the growing lump on his head, Kuno handed another set of bills to Nabiki.
“Anyways. Eventually the Pig-Tailed Girl managed to ditch Shampoo. But then yesterday she showed up again at our house.” Nabiki said, “Long story short, when Ranma and Akane didn’t spill the info on where she was, there was a fight. And Ranma won.”
“Hmm…” Kuno stroked his chin, “So this maiden is, perhaps, aiming to kill Saotome? Perhaps I should-”
“Not yet Kuno-baby.” Nabiki said. “You see, that whole kiss of death law applies only if she loses to another woman. It’s far worse for her to lose to a man, like she did to Ranma.” She leaned in close, letting the suspense build. “Such a loss of face can only be made up for by something big, depending on how high up in the village hierarchy the warrior is, you see?” At Kuno’s nod, she continued. “And apparently Shampoo is way up there. So the only penance she can perform is to receive a punishment. Namely, she has to serve Ranma, basically a slave.”
Kuno’s eyes widened, “That maiden… enslaved…”
“And that’s pretty much it.” Nabiki leaned back, ready to see how this went. A reasonable person would look at this as Shampoo being the victim of her culture’s harsh standards. Ranma himself caught in the middle. The problem? This was Tatewaki Kuno. “A reasonable person” will never be put in the same sentence as his name unless there’s a “not” somewhere in there as well.
Sure enough, the concept spun through his thought process like a derailed train. Within a matter of moments, the facts had been assembled. They were then promptly murdered, and their corpses jammed around the conclusion he had already made.
“I see now. Hearing of the strength of this village. Saotome must have sent the Pig-Tailed girl to them! Risking her own life to lure the amazonian maiden, to enslave her for his own perverse needs!” Kuno thrust out his bokken, and Nabiki wondered if this was meant to be a stand in for something else. “First Akane Tendo… then the Pig-Tailed Girl… now this Shampoo… does Saotome’s perversions know no bounds! I, Tatewaki Kuno, Age Seventeen, must put a stop to this enemy of women once and for all!”
“I’m sure this will go as well as the last dozen times you tried to beat Ranma. Have fun Kuno-baby.” Nabiki commented, opening her lunch box. “Huh. Chinese for lunch.” Shampoo must have made more than just Ranma’s lunch then. “This is pretty good.”
Sat Mar 12 22:03:17 2016
3 comments Last updated: Tue Mar 15 02:58:01 2016