It was after dinner. Ranma was perched on top of the fence just outside the Tendo family's back gate, staring at that entranceway as though it might rear up and bite him. Okay. Okay. This was it. He was going on a date with Akane. But it wasn't really Akane. It was this weird ditzy version of her. If the real Akane caught wind of this, he'd be getting his just desserts right about now. Letting her talk him into going on a date - ugh, get real!
The idea of him dating the real Akane was absurd anyway, but he should still calm himself down a bit. Deep breaths. It would be over with soon. It wouldn't really count either, because she practically forced you into it. This wouldn't count. It wouldn't! You'd get this over with, and then tomorrow night you and the real Akane would get to relax at the ice cream parlour, maybe catch a movie, head over to Uchan's and split some okonomiyaki...
...
Wait. Crap. Hold on. Weren't those dates? Had he been dating Akane for the last half year?! N-No! Those weren't dates! They were just a boy and a girl who happened to be engaged hanging out together at... at popular dating spots, doing the same sorta stuff most couples do.
...
He'd been dating Akane for six months. Nooooo! Ranma grabbed the side of his head and did the best impersonation of The Scream that he was able to muster. Did that mean something?! No! No, it couldn't! Don't read too much into it! A boy and a girl can hang out and not be dating! Right! It only mattered if there were romantic connotations behind it -
"Hey up there!"
The sound of her voice brought him back to reality. She was standing beneath him, hands clasped behind her back, looking up all cutely and affectionately, and it was kinda weirding him out a bit.
"How do I look?" Akane - the fake Akane - gave a quick twirl in place. She was wearing a more casual attire than he'd expected. A snug shoulderless shirt which hugged her enhanced bust tightly and he wasn't going to focus on that, combined with a pair of jean shorts that framed her hips, thighs and butt in a way he was also not going to focus on at all. Her face. Her face should be safe. You know, if not for the fact that her smile was somehow even deadlier than her bigger boobs or thicker thighs.
"Nice, I guess," Ranma muttered, deciding the sky was the safest place. "Come on, let's get this over with."
"Uh uh! First, we gotta, like, set some ground rules," Akane said, wagging her finger right at the edge of his peripheral vision. "First, this is totally a proper date, and you gotta try to make me happy, okay? No, like, taking me to the cat cafe and picking a fight with Shampoo, or whatever. It's you and me for at least two hours, then we come home." Well, darn. That put paid to a couple of ideas. Had to show her a good time, huh? "Second, our daddies are being totally distracted by Kasumi right now, so they don't know we're going out."
"Well, that's something I guess," Ranma said. Good. No teasing from them, no interruptions, just the two of them. Made a nice change of pace.
"Third, I want a kiss at the end of the date," Akane said.
"Denied!" Ranma threw up an X with his arms. "When you snap out of this, you'll be furious! Stealing a k-kiss like that, you'll call me a pervert and chuck me to Mars."
"Dummy," Akane giggled. "I've wanted you to man up and smooch me for the longest time. Is that the only reason you don't wanna smooooch? Teehee, so chivalrous, so gallant, it makes me want you even more than I already did - and I totally didn't think that was possible!"
Yeah right. Akane wanted him to kiss her? No way. No chance. She'd shove him away if he tried it. Maybe try to twist his arm, or pull out a bow and arrow or something to keep him at bay. Call him a beast, or a pervert, or whatever.
"Besi~ides!" Akane sang. "One of two things would happen if I went back to 'normal', right? I'd remember everything, or, like, I'd forget everything! If I remember everything, then I'd remember that the 'other me' forced you into a smoochy smooch! If I forget, you don't need to say anything at all. Right?"
"... Did you get smarter when you turned all ditzy, or what?" Ranma asked. Akane shrugged. Then spun on her heel.
"If you don't wanna smooch, it's not a real date," Akane said. "So, goodnight! Guess I won't go to the cat cafe with you tomorrow after all!"
Why that little - He reached out to grab her. Did she think she'd get away with a comment like that?
"Oh, no you don't!" Ranma warned. "We're going on this dumb date, and you'll have the time of your dumb life!"
"I'm not dumb, I'm, like, just ditzy," Akane replied.
"Same thing," Ranma replied. For some reason that seemed to really get her goat. Did her nose wrinkle up there? His heart skipped a beat, the way her jaw was moving, teeth clenching, leaning forward aggressively...
"What is it about the old me that you like so much, dummy?!" she yelled, but in a kinda cute way. "Do you like that I, like, used to yell at you all the time? Is that what you want from me? Don't you want more affection and stuff?"
"If I wanted affection, I'd just go to Shampoo," Ranma replied without thinking, which was the norm for him. "Dummy! This ain't about what I'm looking for! It's about you acting all weird!"
"Catch 22!" Akane sniffed. "So, like, if I show you my true feelings, I'm acting weird, huh? I wanna show you how much I want you and all of a sudden I gotta be fixed? Well, buddy! If you, like, want me to be like that, then I'm gonna be the least cute tomboy you ever did see! Teehee!"
Really selling it well there, huh? Although, Ranma had to admit, something about arguing with Akane did send his heart rate flying. As much as he hated to admit it, this version of Akane was really, really hot, and that ditzy demeanour was starting to turn him on a little. But he had enough self control to not do anything crazy. He'd get Akane to the old ghoul tomorrow, she'd look Akane over and then she'd point her in a direction that would fix this mess for good.
"Shall we?" Akane asked, linking arms with him and resting her head on his shoulder. Soul of ice, Ranma! Soul of ice! "Mmm, you're nice and warm." Soul of ice! Soul of ice! Soul of ice! Ah! That stupid dogi! He really hoped it was being taken care of, the last thing he needed was it causing more trouble!
Sun Sep 04 16:01:30 2022