Irwin Short was, all too true to his name, short. He looked presentable enough, but between his height and his poor academic record he was a rather typical scrambling 20-year-old, on the hunt for both steady employment and any potential girlfriend who might at last take him seriously. Irv was sustained somewhat by his friend who enjoyed calling himself Video Vito, actual name Vito Esposito, a master of electronics with an affinity for spy tech.
Irv was at first simply grateful to get hired as the "in-house messenger" working in the headquarters building for some magazine. It soon came to his attention that the magazine was named Juicy Jezebel -- the Jezebel added to help distinguish it from a black women's interest magazine -- and that it was by and for busty women. Indeed, the building was packed with lavishly endowed women, some of them quite large all over but many of them surprisingly trim. What no one had ever confessed to Irv was that, while the building was treasured as a haven for such women to come and work without harassment or derision, the magazine felt required to hire at least one token male, and seemingly insignificant Irv was believed to be a safe bet, so he got the job, which really amounted to his being an all-purpose gofer.
Irv was quietly stunned and staggered by his good fortune, for he simply adored large bosoms, and in fact his job brought him into constant, relentless near-collision with racks from out of, or beyond, his dreams, racks fairly accosting him right smack in the face, for the women enjoyed dressing comfortably with very low necklines, but more to the point Mr. Irwin Short was in fact so short that eye contact was difficult, his eyes gazing directly ahead at the chest level of most women.
He tried to be stoic, but eventually he heard complaints about his ogling the employees. However, they were nice enough to keep him on if he could find a solution, and he did, in the form of mirrorshade glasses. Women still occasionally snickered about "Irv the Perv," but so long as they didn't actually see him gawping at them, and he acted like a gentleman and appeared to pose no serious threat, they made their peace with him.
Little did they know that Video Vito Esposito was also among them in spirit. Vito designed slightly bulky but passable new glasses for Irv hiding twin cameras. So it was that Irv recorded closeup images of quite awesome cleavage all day long, and then at home Vito could replay it for him, enhancing the experience at times with appropriate use of s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n. Irv did not doubt that he would surely get kicked out if anyone ever caught on, but no one did, and so he continued to hustle his mirrorshaded way around the headquarters of Juicy Jezebel Magazine.
Only one month into his job, however, Irv had to listen to the concern of his personal care physician, Dr. Huff, who shook his head sadly as he took the stethoscope from Irv's chest.
"There's no doubt about it, your blood pressure has suddenly gone sky high. And you say you're not trying any unusual exercise? Or strange diet, like nothing but coffee all day long?"
"No, sir." Irv did not doubt that sheer sexual titillation was driving his cardiovascular system rather crazy, but he somehow did not feel like owning up to that.
"I'm going to write you a prescription. This is called Vascuum. It's usually prescribed to cut down arteriovenal plaque but it also relieves blood pressure."
Irv suppressed a wry smirk. He had been there months earlier when a sexy saleswoman had been pitching Vascuum to Dr. Huff. No doubt the good doctor now had a lot of the drug lying around and simply wanted to get some use out of it. Still, Dr. Huff's recommendation seemed to make sense.
Irv's life went on like this awhile, until --
Wed May 23 09:38:39 2012