It was a blissful life for Konatsu, the legendary genius Kunoichi that is only born once in a hundred years. A true rags to riches story, if ever such a thing existed! Once a slave to a cruel step-family, forced by those frightful hags into menial tasks against will and wishes! Now, living the life of luxury with the beautiful, talented and angelic master okonomiyaki chef Ukyo Kuonji! Why, they even managed to get a luxurious dinner each night consisting of rice and a sliver - a whole sliver mark you! - of yellow radish! So extravagant, so heavenly!
Unfortunately Ukyo preferred to take care of the cooking herself, particularly following that one time she had fallen ill and he had tried to run the place with the help of Ranma and Akane. That incident had gone... poorly. Ukyo had insisted that she make sure Konatsu was broken of bad habits before letting him back behind the counter, but until then made a cute enough waitress and was certainly taking care of menial tasks like cleaning and running errands and delivering messages, and so on.
“Welcome!” Konatsu said, happily greeting the new customer with a cute smile and an even cutesier bow. “Miss Ukyo will be with you shortly! Would you like to see a menu?” the man blushed slightly, completely unaware that Konatsu was, in fact, a man. Nobody could remotely blame him. Konatsu just a genius kunoichi. He was an even better crossdresser, and simply couldn’t break the habit. Well, there was that one time he had dressed up that way on Akane’s advice, and the girls that visited the restaurant seemed to like it... But he felt more natural this way. More himself, as it were.
The door opened once again, and Konatsu instinctively bowed to greet the new customer... But there was nobody there. Where most would have dismissed it as being the wind, or perhaps someone changing their mind or maybe even a kid playing a joke or any other mundane explanation, Konatsu was not a genius kunoichi for nothing.
“Probably just the wind,” he sighed while watching the shadow on the ground. One. Two. Three. He sidestepped the descending figure that tried and quite miserably failed to sneak attack him, only for the assailant to land on all fours and recoil off the ground like a spring, only to sail past as Konatsu once again sidestepped the attack. The would be assailant rested on the wall, watching him closely.
“It would appear that my reputation has caught up with me!” Konatsu said. “Are you here to test your skills?”
“A true kunoichi does not stop to banter with the enemy!”
“Like you’re doing now?”
“Yes... I mean shut up!”
And then a giant spatula collided with the attacker’s head. She crumbled to the floor, and Konatsu sighed. “A true kunoichi pays more attention to their surroundings!” The attacker burbled unintelligibly in response. “I apologise for the intrusion, mistress! Would you like me to take out the trash?”
“So long as it doesn’t disturb the customers or cause any damage, I don’t mind too much,” Ukyo responded in a manner so typical of her. So much thought and care went to those that came to eat her food! Of course she would be so concerned! Such words moved him deeply within his soul, and how could they not? Such a wonderful employer and a glorious woman to fall in love with!
The unconscious irritant was disposed of out in the back though Konatsu expected to see her again sometime soon. He really didn’t want to have to kill the misguided girl, but a nuisance is a nuisance. There had to be some way to get rid of her that would - hello? What was this? A scroll had fallen out of the attacker’s carry bag. A quick inspection for booby traps turned up a few that were simple to disarm, and a more thorough inspection turned out a few others that were less simple. My word, it must be important whatever it is!
“Give that back!” a voice yelled, and Konatsu was forced to cartwheel out of the way of a rain of shurikens thrown by the now awake again attacker. “That is a classified scroll! It can only be used by a top ranking kunoichi!”
“I see, you must intend to raise your rank by defeating me in combat! Too bad for you, I don’t intend to go easy on any opponent!” something he had learned from one Ranma Saotome, in fact. Even in circumstances where it is advantageous to lose a fight, where is the pride for the opponent in letting them win? If you must do battle, give it your all! Otherwise what does it mean to fight in the first place? Besides which in a duel between kunoichi, holding back could easily mean death.
The attacker flew in with a razor sharp sword that was parried with a precise aim upon its flat side with a mop while Konatsu yelled “Defense of the clean bear!” Now it was time to go on the attack! Can’t win a fight by staying defensive all the time! “Wall kicking retreat!” He leaped into the air, kicking off surrounding walls to reach a nearby rooftop and then divided into four separate forms, each of whom scattered around a nearby rooftop and waited.
“Coward! You think you can escape me with such a petty trick!”
She was following, just as intended. Each of the four cast out their arms, letting fly a series of threads that rapidly bound together, as each of them yelled “Net For the Flying Fish!” The very next second the makeshift net had ensnared their prey, wrapping around her and using her own momentum to complete the trap. She fell onto the nearby roof, struggling to free herself to no avail. The copies dispersed immediately afterwards, a record time for being able to maintain them. He still couldn’t use them to help out around the restaurant because they wouldn’t last long enough, but that didn’t matter yet. Some day he’d get good enough to keep them active, but it did take rather a lot of concentration to maintain them...
Konatsu skipped over to her fallen foe, who appeared to have stopped struggling. Just as well. He leaned down next to her, and said. “Look, why don’t you just give this up? You’re not very good at this and - oh dear, you appear to have performed a duplication replacing yourself with an explosive device. Very crafty!”
“Not so hot as you think you are, huh?” the enemy called from across the roof. “Never underestimate someone you’re fighting! Now, hand over the scroll and call it quits before I get serious!”
“Aargh! You ruined my uniform! Mistress Ukyo is going to be so upset with me about this!”
“Hey don’t ignore me! I - Wait a minute. That’s... that’s a man’s chest.”
Oh dear, he really was quite exposed like this wasn’t he? Perhaps she would prefer it if he got something else on instead that was a bit more battle ready and wasn’t so obviously distracting? What was he thinking? She was the enemy! Use this opportunity to get rid of her!
“You - you’re a man... and you - you’ve looked at the scroll...”
“So what if I am a man?” Konatsu asked. “I was raised to be a kunoichi, and - Hey, wait a minute, where are you going?”
“Getting the hell away from you!” the kunoichi assailant exclaimed. “Before you use that scroll on me!”
What a strange reaction. With a weary sigh, Konatsu crawled into the sleeping space mistress Ukyo had permitted him and carefully folded up the remnants of his waitress uniform. He would replace that later on. Fortunately mistress had plenty of others, and he could easily repair something like this! Sure, maybe a third of the material was left undamaged, but it was nothing a good piece of stitchwork couldn’t fix! He’d repaired worse over his years!
What was of more concern to him was the scroll, which he was still staring at thoughtfully when he returned downstairs. He had to see what secrets lay within for it to be such a dangerously powerful scroll. Only a highly ranked kunoichi could use it... Interesting. He certainly met that qualification, whatever else his bashful nature may say of the matter.
“What’s that you have there?” Ukyo enquired. “It looks like some sort of special technique scroll!”
“I took it from the attacker,” Konatsu replied. “Would it be alright if I looked it over? She seemed very protective and scared of it for some reason.” Ukyo nodded her agreement and pulled up a stool. There were no customers at the moment, so it was a fine opportunity to take a look. He pulled the scroll open and poured over the contents in rapt fascination.
“But... But this... This is...” he stammered, scarcely able to believe what he was reading.
“What is it? What does it do?”
“I have no idea,” he answered, rolling it up and tucking it away while Ukyo blanched. “It doesn’t make any sense at all. The Caress of the Jade Butterfly? I have never heard of such a technique!”
“Well, does it look deadly or anything like that?”
“Not remotely. At best, I think it would be a mild inconvenience, but the strategic uses are simply beyond me! How could this possibly be a powerful technique?”
“You could always try it out on Ranma! He loves this sort of thing. Ask him tomorrow, see what happens. Between the two of you, you’ll figure it out sharpish.”
Her intelligence moved him to tears. Of course! Ranma was the perfect candidate to experiment upon! Of course he would have to get permission first, but that surely wouldn’t be a problem! Before long he’d have this mystery solved!
Sat Jun 30 07:49:59 2012