Wild Cupid: Ranma's New Trick

Unending BE - episode 877858

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Shampoo was certain it would work this time. She had been meticulous in her research, patient in her planning and above all else very deliberately done absolutely nothing outside of her usual schedule so far as Ranma or pervert girl was concerned. Sure, they were a little bit sore about the whole wedding thing but they would get over it. Especially once they properly understood that Shampoo was the more suitable wife for Ranma than Akane could ever dream of being.

There he was, sitting on the rooftop and staring at the sky. No sign of interference. Perfect. She skipped up to the roof and gave her friendliest "Nihao Ranma!"

"Hey Shampoo," Ranma replied. "Try not to breakt anything while you're here."

"You so silly!" she giggled, sitting down beside him. "Shampoo no break anything! I bring too delicious ramen to make up for crash wedding. You like?"

She offered him the bowl, and he dutifully sniffed at it before turning his head. "No thanks. Not hungry." A transparent lie since his stomach growled so loud that Shampoo could swear that it had said "feed me!"Which quite honestly was ~~a little bit frightening~~ nightmare fuel that would haunt her for years to come. Even so she sat there with the offered bowl until he grumbled and took it.

"Look, I'm not so upset about the wedding - hey, this is good! New recipe?" Ranma said between gulps. "It's more that this is the second time you guys have done something like this. Mom's house is still being fixed up, and - No really you gotta add this to the menu - how am I supposed to go with any of you girls if the others keep on showing up to wreck things? It'll never work!"

"Other girls try mess up Shampoo, Shampoo kick butt!" she replied, watching eagerly as he slurped down every last drop. His appetite really was ravenous once he was going, which she had to credit to what she'd heard Akane mention about his father's bad habits while he was very young. Honestly, eating all his food like that! She should have used the opportunity where he was brainwashed into obeying her every command to get him to kick his own ass! If anyone deserved it he certainly did. So many missed opportunities lost because of a moment of frustration...

He cleaned his plate and passed it back to her. Nobody around to interfere. Perfect! She positioned herself right in front of him and waited. Any moment now, he'd take her in his strong arms and tell her how beautiful she was. And then the two of them would head back to China, leave this place behind and start their new life together. Happy. Blissful. Content. All she had to do was wait, and wait until -

"Was there something else you wanted to talk about?" Ranma asked. "You've been staring at me for the last two minutes, and it's kind of freaking me out a little."

"... How Airen feel about Shampoo?" Come on, come on! It should've kicked in by now! He should be yelling his love from the rooftops! Why wasn't he acting any different from normal? Why was he blushing like that? Why was he merely scratching his head instead of pinning her to the rooftop and whispering sweet nothings in her ear? Shampoo decided that she needed to take the initiative which was fine by her. Not that it was any different from normal, but hey! Take what you can!

"Sh-Shampoo! What are you doing?"

"Showing Airen how much Shampoo love him!"

"G-Get off of me!" he yelled, squirming out of her grip. "Hey! Come on! What's the big idea?!"

A sudden realisation dawned upon her. It hadn't worked! No! How! How could it have failed! All of her preperation, all of that time researching, for nothing? It couldn't be, could it? He had definitely cleaned his plate so there was no question that he had eaten it, and she'd not let the bowl out of her sight since mixing the powder in! It had to have worked! It had to have!

"Airen no love Shampoo?"

"N-no! Stop being a nuisance! Leave me alone! And, uh, thanks for the meal. It was very nice."

With tears of unrequited love streaming down her face, Shampoo left the roof and hopped off towards the cat cafe. "Next time," she internally vowed. "Next time, Ranma! You will be mine!"

One of the greatest strengths of the human body was the capacity to adapt. The immune system alone is a fascinating study, a healthy human's being capable of learning the best ways to handle intruding agents with increasing effectiveness each time that the agent makes an appearance. It adapts, learns, and some might even say that it evolves. The greatest power in the universe. Rapid adaptability to survive any environment. Whether it is through the use of intelligence or through physical adaptation, those that can evolve past their limitations into something new are among the most powerful beings to exist.

Ranma in particular is adept at adaptation within the context of martial arts. It is not his strength or speed that wins him his more difficult fights but rather his mind developing new strategies. Herb outclassed him in every way, knew every trick he did and then some. So he invented a new one and turned that power against his opponent. Cologne played with him, tried to force him into surrender and so he relied upon something he used to believe was a weakness, turning it into a strength. Given enough time to plan against an enemy - even if it is only a few scant seconds - he can develop a counter. Turn their greatest strengths against them, or turn his own vulnerabilities into a fighting chance to survive. So can it be surprising to learn that something impossible happened to him without him noticing? Could it be remotely puzzling to realise that something he had been exposed to constantly could have an affect upon him?

Love pills. Love umbrellas. Koi rods. Slips of paper on a tree. Red strings of fate. Love mushrooms. My goodness but Ranma Saotome has been subjected to quite a few love spells in his time, hasn't he? So many times has he been compelled against his will to feel overpowering feelings of love and affection for people he might otherwise never felt anything remotely positive towards. It must irk him so, given as to his shy nature regarding intimacy that he be compelled into showing it in such a manner. How humiliating! How terrible! How fortuitous that he was now immune! For even if he didn't realise it yet, Ranma Saotome was immune to love spells.

Call it a quirk of fate. Call it magical sources interacting with each other in an interesting way. Cupid's bow itself would fail upon him now. His heart was not dead to love, far from it. He was simply immune to magical alterations of his emotional responses. Had he known he might have tried to figure out what had caused him to change so, in an effort to perhaps cure himself. As it was he didn't know quite yet that he had been changed. Nor could he have even guessed at how he had been altered. Because he wasn't merely immune to love spells. He was much more than immune to them...

Sometimes he didn't get women. One minute she's her usual bouncy happy self, the next she's on the verge of tears and flying off home. Maybe she was bipolar, or something? Never mind that for now, why were pops, Mister Tendo, Nabiki and Happosai creeping out of the house like that? He got his answer a few seconds later, when Akane and mom dashed out of the house, herding them all back inside with dejected looks on their faces. The two of them were wearing... aprons. Oh. Oh no! That had to mean... Akane was cooking again! Or mom was trying to teach her how to cook, which meant that being up on the roof was not a good place to be! Time to go!

Leaping from roof to roof as quickly and quietly as he could, Ranma picked up the pace in increasing desperation. Got to get away, got to get away! Just hide for a few hours! Wait until it all blows over, and maybe - just maybe - he could avoid having to eat any of that slop! At the very least she could have the others try it as guinea pigs before he got a taste. Then she'd know it was slop and maybe - just maybe - be kind enough to chuck the lot instead of making him eat it later on. Hrm. If he was lucky he could run into Ryoga and convince him to write up a challenge letter... that'd be a good excuse, right? That did depend on running into the lost boy, unfortunately. Time to come up with a plan B! Like sitting in this tree and making sure nobody came looking for him!

"What impudence!" a familiar voice cried out. "How dare you attempt to ambush the White Lily in such a manner!"

"Ambush nothing!" another annoyingly familiar voice yelled back. "You're the one that dumped explosives all over me!"

He crawled towards a better vantage point and peered down the street. Just as he thought. Asuka, the White Lily and rival to Kodachi Kuno. That bitch was just like Kodachi, which naturally led to the two of them becoming arch rivals. He'd been pulled into a contest between the two - with Akane taking Kodachi's side for some reason he was a little vague on - that had led to both competitors trying to poison him or blow him up. The contest had ended in a tie when it was revealed that Asuka's "boyfriend" was just some guy she'd kidnapped. He hoped against hope that in five years when the two had their rematch, Kodachi had someone else in mind for a boyfriend. A vain hope but one worth clinging to.

Right now she was riding atop her white horse peering down at what appeared to be a pony tailed head sticking out of a tree. It was a little hard to tell who it was given the soot covering their face - no doubt from the aforementioned explosion, probably from those lilies Asuka liked to throw around. There was only one person Ranma could think of that would disguise themselves like that. Tsubasa. It had to be Tsubasa. A rather odd boy that in his own words "liked to dress up" and developed a crush on Ukyo. A blind, obsessive crush. Was it any wonder that she found him so annoying? Come to think, Ranma could certainly sympathise with her on that one.

"Such an uncouth girl, to speak to your betters in such a manner!" Asuka cackled like an old witch. Spines for a mile around crawled in response.

"You hag! You're not better than me!"

It was odd, but this was a lot of fun to watch. These two right here? So far as he could care it wouldn't make a lick of difference if they both took a long walk right off a cliff. Seeing them at each other's throats appealed tremendously to his inner troll. His outer one was also smirking like a loon. For once it might be fun if he stayed hidden and observed from a distance.

"Ugly!"

"Bitch!"

"Loud!"

"Annoying!"

The way they were arguing seemed oddly familiar as well. Who did they remind him of again? Man, that was going to bug the hell out of him. One teasing the other for their looks, the other for their personality. It was great fun to watch, and he sincerely wished he had some popcorn! Funny thing was that if they hated each other so much, why didn't Asuka just ride away? She had a horse. Tsubasa was on foot. Not exactly hard to get away if she wanted to. Ah! Pride was the name of the game here! Neither of them were willing to let the other have the last word, locking them both into a cycle of repeated insults. Damn, he really did wish he had him some popcorn right about now. Akane would love this if she could see it, but alas! Honestly though. The two of them made such a cute couple. Maybe if they went after each other, they'd be less annoying to everyone else!

Unnoticed by Ranma was the odd glow in his eyes as he thought that last part. A bright pink energy swirled around into the form of a heart, and with a blink of his eyes shot out into the form of an arrow that was too thin for him to perceive. One struck each of the arguing pair, stopping them in their tracks, rubbing their heads and growing flush before turning to look back at one another in dead silence. Well now, Ranma thought. That was rather odd. Why did they stop arguing?

Suddenly, the tree shook as though someone was attempting to uproot it. In spite of his best efforts to right himself, he tumbled out and fell to the ground, rolled as he hit and was back up on his feet face to face with a mildly irate Akane.

"There you are," she said. "Come on! I made you a cake to say sorry for not telling you about the drowned man water until it was too late. Come on!"

He turned to flee, but found no escape as she tugged on his pigtail and dragged him back through the street towards the Tendo's. Oh! What cruel fate awaited his poor maligned stomach now! What foul tastes was he about to experience, what evil concoction had she constructed that dared try to form into something supposed to be a cake? For some the anticipation is worse than the event itself. Ranma feared that this may not be the case even remotely... But little did he realise quite yet that he had just done something quite amazing. From this new position he could not hope to see how Asuka had pulled Tsubasa onto her horse, or how the two of them were embraced in the fiery passion only possible through passionate love.

Go back - Go to the parent episode.

Lumitiel

Sat Jun 30 07:57:05 2012

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2 comments Last updated: Sat Jun 30 09:28:01 2012