Ranma Saotome was sitting in a tree, being as jealous as he could be. Which was no small amount. Right at this moment he was frustrated as hell, and he wasn't sure he could take it any more. For all his skills and all his intelligence in a fight he was outmatched. Completely outmatched. This was a foe that did not mess around, gave no quarter, showed no signs of weakness and let him no time to develop a counterstrategy. His guard meant nothing before this enemy, that could step inside it in seconds and obliterate him before he even knew what had happened. The worst part of it all was that he had only himself to blame.
It all started a few days ago when his father and Mister Tendo had heard a rumour regarding a special battle dogi that made whoever wore it become super powerful. Ah, that sounded tempting did it not? Of course they investigated it, and even made sure to question the priest that was rather eager to get rid of the damned thing. Its major downside was that it chose its owner and would not be worn by anyone except whoever it selected. And yes, he really had tried to get it on himself. Hell, it kicked the ass of himself, his father and Mister Tendo for hours before it finally picked its owner! But why oh why oh why did it have to be Akane? Of all people! Oh! How her eyes had sparkled when she realised this suit would make her strong! How she'd been so desperate to see its effects in action! How thoroughly and humiliatingly she kicked his sorry ass before he could even bat an eye!
At first he had theorised that it would only be worn by girls, except that wasn't quite true at all as he eventually discovered. The damned thing was practically tailor made for Akane's figure, meaning that even his girl form couldn't quite wear it properly. Too tight around the chest! Too loose around the waist! What made it worse was that even when she wasn't wearing it, the damned thing could fight extremely effectively on its own! You can't hurt cloth that moves! It could defend itself from anything he threw at it, and usually threw something even worse back. His enemy wasn't Akane. No, it was the suit. Right now he was just trying to figure out a way he could take the thing on and win. If he could beat Herb, if he could beat Pantyhose Taro, if he could beat the old ghoul then certainly he could take on some stupid perverted dogi!
"Damn..." he groused, unable to think of anything. Its defenses were too perfect, and its counterattacks were molecularly precise. There were no holes in its form that he could see or exploit, but even so... "There has to be a way to beat that stupid suit!"
"There may be a way, boy!" his father declared, landing behind him on the branch.
"Do you want to know the secret of the suit?" Mister Tendo asked, landing next to his father. Then the branch broke under their weight and the three of them plummetted to the ground in a heap, much to their great embarassment. They made a silent agreement not to mention that to anyone, and just get on with the conversatin as if nothing had ever happened. Because nothing did happen, they were just having a lovely chat under this tree when that branch fell off. It must be autumn and the tree had to shed its branches, or something. Get it?
"I spoke to the old priest at the mountain temple where the dogi was kept," began Soun Tendo. "He told me that though he had not been able to read it all the way through because of his ailing eyesight, he did happen to have an instruction manual for the book's use. If you truly wish to defeat it, then you should study this manual carefully!"
"Good luck, boy!" his father said. "I get the feeling you will need all the fortune you can muster against this opponent. Prepare carefully!"
Sometimes the panda surprised him with just how much he actually cared. The two of them left him alone for the time being, to let him get on with his reading. The manual itself wasn't too big. Maybe three or four pages long in total. Ranma scowled darkly, remembering the cat fist training. Yes, he'd be sure to read every single word of this before trying anything. Wouldn't want to do something stupid like throwing a six year old boy into a pit full of starving cats while covered in one of various forms of meat. Again and again over the course of a week. Oh yeah that's why he hated the bastard. Never mind that! The manual! Focus on the manual!
The monkey clan's battle dogi is a sentient suit designed to draw out the full potential of its wearer. While it is capable of fighting without a wearer, its true purpose is to bring to the surface the full potential that lies within whosoever happens to wear it! But take care, for the battle dogi cannot be worn by anyone save those it chooses to let wear it. During times when the dogi doesn't have a master, it will usually cry quite loudly over the lonely nights, pining for its former master.
All stuff he knew already, but it was good to see it reaffirmed in print. If only the priest would've let them read it before they'd take the dogi away. Then again, they would've left it there with him and he obviously didn't want that. Sneaky little... Never mind that. Time to read on.
This particular suit is subject to extreme jealousy. If the heart of its chosen owner is taken by another of the opposite sex, the suit will never let them wear it again. Alternatively, there is an emergency hatch on the belt buckle that was installed in the event that the suit went rogue. When this is struck, the suit will fall apart. It can be repaired by a suitably skilled seamstress, and will retain its full power after that point.
Ranma smiled. This was exactly what he needed to know! Now he had a way to destroy the dogi in a moment's notice. Plan A: Hit the buckle. Plan B: Seduce Akane. It was nice to have an option for once. That perverted dogi was going down! But... before he did that, he was definitely going to read every last word of this, just in case it said something else he should be wary of. Who knew what other secrets that stupid thing had in store?
The battle dogi's history is a rather long and quite frankly perverted one. It was constructed by a proficient tailor in the monkey tribe as a gift for a warrior he was attracted to. This warrior woman did not return these feelings, and he knew that she would be unimpressed by typical romantic gifts. That is why he made this special dogi and infused it with tremendous power. He told her all of the things mentioned on the preceding pages, but kept its true purpose hidden from her. It raised her strength to heights beyond heights. She was stronger when she wore it than all other men and women in the village combined. This was not its true purpose. The dogi was inherently possessed by a jealously perverted aura, which was capable of much more than martial arts. This living cloth would, as its wearer inevitably trained night and day, make use of much less blatant and much more subtle movements. Unnoticed by its wearer, it would use its capacity to move to perform tiny massages into numerous pressure points covering the body of the wearer. By the end of two weeks of frequent use, the wearer of the dogi is often transformed from a noble warrior into a busty nymphomaniac. This is why the dogi weeps, for it knows that it is the reason that it is alone. It yearns for those of a certain build, yet cannot prevent itself from transforming them. Time and again the pattern repeats, yet the dogi is unable to prevent itself from carrying those actions out. It deserves our scorn. It deserves our pity.
Ranma rose to his feet, no trace of the smile he'd been wearing after reading those weaknesses. This was no longer about jealousy. This was no longer about beating the stupid dogi for his own sake. This was all about saving Akane, now. It was about saving her from being transformed against her will into something she wasn't! That damn perverted dogi had to be destroyed, for Akane's sake and for the sake of any other future girls that may have gotten it after it was done with her! To think that he wanted to wear it! He had no time to spare, he absolutely had to get back there and her this manual before -
"What a haul, what a haul!" Happosai yelled. Well. Maybe he had something else to deal with first.
"Perverted freak!" Ranma yelled, punting the old man into the air. "I don't have the time to deal with you right now!"
"Ranma!" Happosai yelled as he landed on a nearby roof. "You dare disrespect your elders? Take this!"
To his credit Ranma dodged the first and the second and even the third bomb hurled his way. Unfortunately the barrage did have to catch up with him eventually, and after the tenth was hurled Happosai seemed to lose complete interest and hopped away seemingly satisfied that he'd learned his lesson. Fat chance, you old freak! Well, since he was heading home already he might as well meet him there! With Akane's help, they'd be able to teach him a lesson, and then he could show her the manual so that she wouldn't - Wouldn't - Oh dear. Ranma stared at the tattered remnants of what he'd been reading not three minutes ago and twitched. This was not what he needed. At all. Akane would never believe him if he told her that. Which meant that he had to get that dogi to leave her alone by other means. Fine. He could do it. For Akane's sake, as well as his own pride, he would make that dogi disappear!
Sat Jun 30 08:02:20 2012
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