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Eh, this seems a little too fast too soon to me. I was thinking there'd be tension with Tidus trying to handle sleeping in the same bed with a scantily dressed Lulu, unaware that she's trying to seduce him that whole time. The other parts are fine by me, maybe a little too fast on Rikku becoming a full-fledged pervert. Yuna's charm works well since Yuna's already greatly admired around the world as a summoner and Braska's daughter. We can't really undo any of the changes since the ring is called unchanging truth.
I get where you're coming from. I'm inclined to agree that this might be going a bit too fast. But on the other hand, going whole hog for a moment would make a pretty tremendous impact once things start crashing home for Tidus, which is a good thing in my opinion. If shit really hits the fan it could potentially encourage more changes in an attempt to damage control.
Well, more than being fast, it felt kind of forced. Does anyone really provide extended narration aloud to themselves like that? I don’t think I ever have.
Hm yeah a little fast, maybe it could be justify that the artifact encourage you to speak what one would usually just keep to their thoughts or something
I've not exactly been at my best the last day or two, writing wise. I tried to make it feel relatively natural. Tidus is basically just amusing himself with some of the more ridiculous things he's said today.
Seriously?
Part of the Nair's problem, Anonymous, is surely that your options are very vague and uninteresting. He has no idea where you intend for the story thread to go. His have been the only ones that include interesting twists rather than just, "Tidus goes and talks to this person" etc. No one wants to write that episode.
This is collaborative fiction. COLLABORATIVE. Now a person is going to be doubly hesitant to work with you because you'll complain about what they write. The point is to work with what they add. Unless it totally squicks you, you should just run with it.
Otherwise, just write the story by yourself.
Anon that wrote the episode here. To the anon above, I only wrote the first comment. Someone else wrote the next anon comment.
Correction, I meant to say I'm the anon the wrote the previous episode, not that I wrote this one. Sorry, it's morning.
The lesson here is: Stop being anonymous! Pick a name and start using it.
You keep saying that, and I keep saying it's not happening! I prefer being anonymous.
Well, I've really been enjoying this story, and I thought Nair's addition was excellent. I'd really hate to see the story stall out here. I might even add onto to it myself, if I feel like we're stalling out.
Been thinking about adding to the first option, but I certainly had big failures when I try to write something big like that.
So is anyone going to be adding on? I do think this story has potential and I'd also hate to see it fizzle out like this.
Meh I haven't been inspired in awhile, since I am unsure how to not make a chapter on option one without making it a huge wall of exposition.