Somewhere else, to be precise, and not where he thought, either. Instead, Sid and Jim appeared...
In Backstage Central, in front of another Sid, along with his two wives, the muscular, naked and busty amazons Credensa and Sendula. The latter had their spears leveled right about at Sid and Jim's crotches...
Jim glanced back and forth at the Sids in confusion. "There's two of you? What the hell?"
"Oops," muttered "his" Sid...
The Sid they'd blipped in on grinned. "Hello, Jim. Hello, other self. Good to see you again! Though if I've read the documentation right --" here he looked at Jim's Sid -- "I didn't see you last time you were through here."
"Sorry," Jim's Sid said. But let's call him Sid-O -- we've done it before -- and avoid needless confusion. "But when you stole my dumpster, I didn't know it was you, much less that you were me. Figured it was best to check up on things invisibly."
"Remind me to install some infra-red alarms," remarked the native Sid to Sendula, dryly. We'll call him Sid-B. Sendula nodded tersely, her attention focussed on the intruders.
Sid-B turned to Jim. "You'll be happy to know I fixed that glitch that keeps sending you to Central Casting," he said.
"I don't understand any of this," Jim muttered.
Light dawned over Sid-O. "Ah!" He said. "I get it! This is the Jim I saw you with earlier, not the Jim I met at the Hotel!"
"What do you mean?" Jim asked. "We did meet at the Hotel! Right after you sent me back there again!"
"I'm not the one who sent you there -- he was," Sid-O attempted to clarify. "And while we did indeed meet at the Hotel, I'd met another you there earlier -- and I assumed you were the same you."
Jim's head sunk into his hands. "I'm so confused!" he wailed.
Sid-B froze time for Jim with a Remote. "Time enough for him to go to pieces later," he said. "We'll deal with you first." This last was directed at Sid-O.
Sid-O frowned. "Do you mind? I'm kind of on a mission to save the universe, and I might need him to help."
Sid-B shook his head. "Doesn't need saving," he said. "The AddVenture pretty much takes care of itself. The Rick who sounded the alarm to you was ill-informed and flipped out."
"I'll be the judge of that. What do you make of the Hotel portals freezing up?"
"Fixed 'em."
"The gods blowing half the Backstage to kingdom come?"
"The fight went out of them when the sprinklers went on. And I cleaned up after them with the remote."
"How? They're so much more powerful than the remotes!"
Sid-B chuckled. "Well, that depends on who's writing the episode, doesn't it? Chinkalinka may think so, but Deja Voodoo apparently disagrees. Besides, the gods are magical -- they tend to sap power from any similar reality-bending forces in their immediate vicinity, if you don't keep a close watch on 'em. I'd check the batteries in your remote, if I were you -- as well as all the other remotes in the Hotel! Girls, let him."
Sid-O carefully got out his remote, making no sudden moves. The power level was down. "Shit!" he muttered. "But why was my remote so much stronger than the others, back there?"
Sid-B looked bored. "Probably because they'd been around the gods a lot longer.
Sid-O gave an exasperated sigh. "Okay," he said. "You've convinced me. What now?"
Sid-B shrugged. "That's for you to decide. I'd rather not have more than one of me running around Backstage at once, so if you're going to stay here I'll have to insist you merge with me."
"No thanks."
"Otherwise, you can go wherever you want to. Back to the alleyway in the episode you came Backstage from, for instance, or any other episode you want. Hell, if you want, you can even continue your world-saving mission. Other versions of us are, and who knows? If an Author rights it that way, you really would be saving the world. It would make a good story, if nothing else."
Sid-O pondered that. "No," he said, "it seems somewhat futile, now. Let the other mes do it. I would like my dumpster back, though."
"Got a little attached to her, did you?" asked Sid-B, grinning. (His wives glanced up sharply, wondering what he was talking about.)
Sid-O grunted noncommittally. "Showed promise," he conceded. "And with a little more personality..."
"Done. I can find another dumpster. Won't have the same sentimental value, of course, but --"
"Husband," Credensa broke in, "what are you talking about?"
"Long story. Remind me to tell you sometime. Okay, other-Sid. I'm going to cycle you and your dumpster out." Sid-B got out his Portal Opener and fired it first at Sid-O, then at the dumpster. Both vanished.
"Now," he said, ignoring the irritated, questioning looks of his wives. "Let's see if we can get rid of this Jim a third time, shall we?"
Tue Mar 13 19:05:09 2001
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