Hmm, should I just answer Roy Del Frink's question straight out, which would make this an "editorial remark" and not an "episode" (which many Authors don't like), or should I write myself into the episode thus making this a meta-episode? But if I did that, would that mean that this is all happening Backstage, or would the action still be taking place in Raoul Duke's house in Colorado as per previous continuity? Or--
Suddenly Roy Del Frink rushes up behind DonkeyShit and bashes him over the head multiple times with a heavy wooden bat. WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!
"Just fucking tell me the answer asshole!!!!" Roy screams insanely. DonkeyShit lies at his feet, his face a beaten pulp, blood oozing out of his nose and eyes. He gargles something unintelligible. "Ohhh, so that's what it's all about," Roy replies and then turns to walk away.
HEY! JUST WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE! THIS EPISODE FUCKIN SUCKS AND I DIDN'T GET TO HEAR THE FUCKIN ANSWER TO ROY'S FUCKIN QUESTION!! WE READERS HAVE JUST AS MANY GODDAM RIGHTS AS YOU AUTHORS YOU KNOW. NOW FUCKIN ANSWER THE QUESTION OR ELSE IM GONNA GO FUCKIN MEDIEVAL ON BOTH YOUR FUCKIN ASSES!!!
The violent Tarantino-esque outburst from the irate reader has caught both Roy and DonkeyShit by surprise. They had no idea anyone else was even paying attention to this episode. Roy then helps DonkeyShit up and DonkeyShit wipes the blood off his face and smoothes back his hair. (What? You didn't think that the beating was for real did you? This is just a story my dear readers.)
"Ahem," DonkeyShit clears his throat. "Ok, here goes. I wrote the Bowler Fucker into episode 161343 because I needed to have an announcer suddenly break into the story as a way of bringing the episode to a close. And who would be more unexpected to show up than the Bowler Fucker? I mean, just picture it, Raoul and gang are sitting down watching a softcore lezzie video when all of a sudden a completely nude man wearing nothing but a black bowler hat on his head and another black bowler hat hanging off of his peepee suddenly walks into frame and informs everyone in the audience where they can purchase the softcore video. Cool huh? Just like something out of Monty Python. Which is exactly the reason I used the Bowler Fucker.
"As for his previous appearances, I only know of two. The first time was in a Backstage episode. I don't remember which one though or who it was that wrote it but in it he was just a background Author hanging out in the Backstage. But this was the first time I ever saw him and in which his appearance was described so if anyone should be blamed for creating such a ludicrous character it should be that Author, not me. (I only wish I could take the credit.) The second time I saw him was in the Episode 500 Party which took place in, can you believe this, episode 500. Once again he's just a background character. But dude, what a great looking guy! He's just screaming out to be used more often, especially in whacky absurdist episodes like the kind I like to write.
"As for his actual origin, the guy is an Author just like us. You can find him somewhere in Adama's Authors Index, and that's why he showed up in the Backstage episode in the first place.
"So uh, does that answer the question?"
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Fri Jul 13 11:45:48 2001