Jim tried to put on an air of being calm and relaxed. Donning his best Shakespeare voice, he said:
"Sir, please unhand me. I have traveled far and can explain in brief how I got here. I bear a message to you and your kin that is quite important. You see, it all started.." and Jim put his entire weight into kicking the guy in the balls.
Jim expected to be able to run as soon as the guy was doubled over in pain. But when he connected, he felt a solid metallic thunk. Instead of howling, the warrior gave Jim a grin.
"Ye din think I'd be travelling into the Battle of Hastings without a little protection for my grapes and sausage, now. An' aren't ye a right burke with your ponce talk. Are ye not a time traveller?"
Jim did not expect this and wasn't quite sure how to answer. The warrior continued.
"Sure ye are with yer 'unhand-me-sir' talk and..." he indicated the time traveling shower, which also happened to be shielding them from flying arrows. "... is that a rain closet that brought yer fat arse here?" The warrior swung a club and hit a charging Norman. Then he said almost as an aside. "Hope that weren't an ancestor."
"Wait." said Jim. "YOU'RE a time traveller?"
"Aye! It's the Battle of Hastings after all. Lousy with two things: Dead Anglos and Dead Time Travellers. Did ye think we'd be speaking the queen's English if I were from 1066?"
"Wow!" said Jim. "So where and when are you from?"
The warrior looked shocked and then furious. "Di ye not know nothing about chronastic law ye wally? Are ye a damn freelancer?" When Jim didn't respond, the warrior raised is club in anger. "SPOILERS! Ye fat idjit, or one of us will go unborn. Fer fooks sake, get back in yon water closet and head back to yer home before we're all dinosaurs."
"Well, I...."
Red with rage, the warrior raised his club as if to strike Jim. "GO NOW YE PLUMP FOOL before I do all of history a favor and wipe you out of it!"
Jim jumped into the shower in terror and pulled the lever without looking.
Wed Dec 19 18:57:31 2018
5 comments Last updated: Thu Dec 20 09:43:02 2018