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Herp, forgot to finish writing a sentence.
Adama, could you?
“Versatile?”, Hinata wondered, apparently once more to no avail.
And for that matter...
“Succubus?”, Hinata murmured quietly, once again being ignored, or not heard.
You have an unnecessary comma in each of those sentences.
Actually, that very last comma is unnecessary. Whoops! Guess I just added it without thinking when I wanted to modify that sentence.
Actually, I think it's the comma after the quotation mark that is the issue. "Versatile?" Hinata wondered,
would be perfectly fine, since the question mark inside the quotes is all the punctuation you need.
I'm aware that was probably their real criticism, I just didn't care to address it.
It wasn't a criticism. It was an observation. Since you were asking Adama to fix those sentences, I was just trying to point out before Adama made the changes that your fixes weren't entirely correct.
Man, you say the nastiest stuff about other people on here, but you can't even take a simple note about commas lightly.
Fixed as per your first comment.
Hey Adama, I'd like to go in a different direction. Could you change:
"rolled up scroll" to "clunky looking ray gun"
"scroll" to "gun"
And Option 5 to "The ray gun?"
Done.