From the endlesss void above came . . . an old Zenith television set that must weigh eighty pounds. CRASH! It lands in front of Sid but does not break. In fact, the set snaps on:
"DA-DUUN-DUUN-DUUN-DUUN-DOON! Snap! DA-DUUN-DUUN-DUUN-DUUN-DOON! Snap! Wel-come baaaaack! Yer dreams were yer . . . ticket out! Wel-come baaack . . .!" Why, it appears to be a rerun of "Welcome Back, Kotter!" as unlikely as that may be. . . .
Yes, it's Gabe Kaplan as Gabe Kotter! "Okay, Sweathogs, today we're going to learn proper posture! I want allayous to stand up and walk around with your geography books on your heads. First one that drops his book gets a free trip to Woodman's office, and don't argue with me, I'm in a rotten mood, Julie's been refusing to have sex with me lately!"
Three out of four Sweathogs start balancing their books on their heads, but Epstein sauters up to the front of the class casually with a piece of paper. . . .
"What's THAT?" Kotter asks.
"It's a note, read it," says Epstein.
"Okay, but I bet I won't like it any more than your usual notes," Kotter grumbles, unfolding the paper. *ahem*ahem* He reads:
Dear Mr. Kotter,
Please excuse Epstein from class today because of his writer's cramp.
Signed, Epstein's Mother
"Is that your idea of a note?" Kotter asks.
"Yep," Epstein says, smirking.
"Well, as luck would have it, Epstein, I happen to have a note for you! Here it is!"
Kotter hands Epstein a note. It reads:
Dear Epstein,
Okay, Epstein, I know that's you! Only you would write three identical responses to the same episode and link them all to the same next episode. I wouldn't have said anything, but after the way you SABOTAGED most of the options for the "Woody Creek Episode," I knew I had to act. You know how I figured out it was you? Only you would create an Avatar and then be snippy enough to try to keep anyone else from playing with him. You take the same chances with your alter ego that we all do. Only you would compulsively go around critiquing the logic of other people's episodes. Don't you have any other hobbies? The last time you pulled this shit, the site got closed down for a month and NO ONE could write. So KNOCK it the fuck off! I'm going to e-mail MarkT about you and tell him who you are, and he'll decide. In fact, I'm so fed up of the way you play Hitler around here, I'd almost volunteer to be BANNED from the site, if that's what it would take to BAN you! I mean it, you never learn. A month of down time wasn't enough, you've got to start up all over again! Haven't you RUINED this site for everybody enough already? If you want to push somebody around, push one of these fucking morons around who won't stand up for himself, don't do it to me. I'm tired of you acting like it's YOUR site to play with.
Signed, Zelda
Well, now what happens?
Thu Feb 22 18:20:44 2001