Try as he might, Sam simply could not bring himself to trim his nails. They were bordering distinctly on the realm of socially unacceptable, true. But he liked them all the same. Though they were a bit grubby.
Maybe Carlotta would be willing to help. Sam’s roommate was the girly type. Her side of the washroom was filed to the brim with makeup and hair care products and all that crap. Most importantly, her nails were always on point. Always.
Sam had never thought about nails or manicures before in his life. So it was best to go straight to the font of knowledge herself.
“Hey Carlotta. Could you, like. Uh...I dunno. Help me with my nails?”
Carlotta was aesthetic as fuck. She lived for fashion and makeup. Most of her free time was spent consuming that kind of content online. So when her roommate, one of the most style adverse men she had ever met, asked her for a manicure. The initial reaction was skepticism. Followed closely by something like glee.
Sam watched as her face ran the gamut of human emotion.
“Sam, are you asking me to give you a manicure?”
“...I guess so. Guys have nails too, right?”
Without ceremony, Carlotta walked over and snatched Sam’s fingers up. In order to observe them more closely.
“Mmmk. So, you see these white spots on your nails? That means you need to be taking a zinc supplement or something. Your keratin is mad weak. Oh my god. There’s just so much to do. Come with me”
Sam was left standing. Confused and a little overwhelmed. He just asked for some help. Not a whole semester of beauty school. As his roommate emerged from her room with an entire nail care kit, he sensed that was exactly what was about to happen.
Carlotta pulled a chair up to their shared kitchen counter and gave the seat a little pat.
“Come now, Sam. You’re an adult, It’s time to learn proper nail care”
“Uh, thanks” Nervously, Sam sat in the offered seat.
Carlotta produced a funny instrument from her bag of tricks as she hummed a tune to herself.
“What’s that?”
“Are you asking to be polite or are you actually curious? Oh, who cares! This is a cuticle pusher, Sam. You need it because your nails are trash. Luckily for you. I am here to help”
“Thanks” He winced in pain as Carlotta set about her work with relish.
“Smarts, right? That’s because you’ve literally never trimmed your cuticles”
“Wait, wait. You can trim them?”
“Oh please. How does a grown man not know how fingers work?”
“Well...I dunno. I figured you just had to clean under them. Or something”
“You do have to. And I can see you’re not nearly diligent enough about that either. Listen, Sam. When I go on a date the first thing I look at is a guy’s nails”
“No way. Really?”
“Yes way. Now look. See the dry white ends of the cuticles here? That’s dead skin. Do you want your date to see that your hands are covered in dead skin?”
“No, obviously not”
“See. You’re learning already”
Sam had to admit that this was kind of fun.
-
When all was said and done. Sam’s nails were trimmed, filed and cleaned to perfection. He didn’t even know his fingernails could look that good. Carlotta had left them long, as per his request. She didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow when he had asked. Even though he himself still kind of wondered why he’d wanted it so much.
And when she offered to paint them, well. He was curious how it would look. Why not? Even he knew there was such a thing as nail polish remover. It was just for fun. Not like he was going out in public today.
Sam had savoured the acrid odour of the dark red nail polish as Carlotta applied it with care.
“Thanks Carlotta”
“You’re welcome. And I must say, your nails are looking kinda perfect”
“Ha ha well don’t get used to it. I’m going out in public tomorrow so it has to go. Doctor’s appointment”
“Are you sick?”
“Yeah, I’ve got like a minor cold or something. I feel like garbage”
Carlotta shot him a furtive look. “You don’t look like garbage. Sam. In fact, you’re kinda glowing today”
“Huh?”
“I’m serious. Just look at yourself”
Carlotta offered Sam the tiny compact mirror that she kept in her purse at all times. It was...kinda true. Besides the fact that his hair was getting way too long, Sam looked good. His eyes were bright and green. His lips were full and pink. But mostly his skin was just radiant.
“Huh?” Sam wasn’t sure what to make of this development. His face was looking a little thinner than usual but it mostly worked for him.
“Ugh, your face is so heart shaped. It's not fair”
“Heart, shaped?”
Carlotta rolled her eyes. “Yes Sam. There are seven face shapes. oval, round, square, diamond, heart, pear and oblong”
“Uh-huh” Sam tried desperately to keep up to this newest information dump.
“None of them are bad. But like, heart is objectively the best shape. It’s scientific. Or whatever. And you’ve got it darling”
“Huh”
“Stop saying ‘huh’ Just keep up from now on”
“Ok, sorry”
“Come with me. It’s time for pedicures”
“What?”
-
Hours later. Sam and Calotta soaked their feet and drank cans of cheap beer in the comfort of their living room. They were watching Infinity War. Which meant that the conversation had inevitably landed on ranking the Chrisses.
“Now, some people rank Pratt first amongst the chrisses. Which, I kinda see where they’re coming from. Thor and Captain America are more ethereally, unattainably beautiful. Where as Star Lord is super handsome in a more down to earth way”
Sam didn’t particularly have a horse in this race but he was finding the conversation engaging in general. Especially after four beers.
“Forget what people say, Carlotta. How do you rank them?”
“Oh, Evans all the way. Especially with the beard. Which I know is a hot take. But you can fight me on that. The man’s body is simply a ‘V’. It’s incredible”
“Hu-uhh, neat. Interesting”
“What’s your preferred Chris?”
“Gee. I hadn’t really thought about it”
“Oh my god, Sam! It’s 2021. Please don’t act like you don’t know when other guys are hot”
“Well, ok. But I don’t have a preference”
“Fine. Boring”
The film was nearing its conclusion and it was getting late. Sam needed to get up early for his doctor’s appointment anyways. It was time to call it a night. He had had a really nice day, just bonding with his talkative roommate. Who knew there was so much to learn about hands and feet?
He stumbled into a standing position. Which was difficult as he was currently confined to a little tub of hot water.
“I gotta go to bed. Goodnight Carlotta”
“Wait!”
Carlotta’s face was a little nervous. She had just spent the better part of a day going off endlessly about skincare and beauty and everything else imaginable. But now she was tongue tied. Sam wondered what it could possibly mean at this hour.
“Can I do your makeup?”
“What?” He didn’t know what he was expecting. But it wasn’t that. “I don’t have makeup to be done, Carlotta. What do you mean by do my makeup?”
“I just thought, you know. We were having a girl’s day in. And your face is just, ugh. It’s perfect, Sam. It’s perfect. I want to do your makeup. Please”
“How can a man’s face be perfect for makeup?”
“”Don’t take this the wrong way. But I’m just starting to notice that your face is very feminine. It would look so cute!” Carlotta could not disguise her enthusiasm.
“What!? My face is feminine?”
“That’s a good thing! See, I knew you were going to take it the wrong way! I’m sorry!”
It wasn’t like Sam was totally opposed to the words he was hearing. Clearly, Carlotta meant to say that he was attractive. Feminine was just not how he’d ever seen himself, least of all his facial features. It wasn’t a bad thing. It was just....new.
“Th-thanks Carlotta”
“Nooo, Sam! I hurt your feelings!”
“I just have to think. Goodnight”
Thu May 13 19:20:45 2021