Urusei Yatsura: What dreams may come

Unending BE - episode 852419

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. A familiar phrase and a widely accepted piece of wisdom. It warns us that the ends do not justify the means, and is usually the intended meaning whenever the saying is used. Those with good intentions sometimes feel they must bend the rules, just the slightest bit just this one time because it’ll mean something brilliant will result. But once the rules are bent just a little bit and even only that once it becomes so much easier to justify doing so again. And again. And again...

While it is a worthwhile warning to make it is not the only interpretation of the saying. At the same time that one must be wary of means as applied to ends, so too must one beware of unintended consequences. Side effects of charitable actions that were neither planned for, desired nor even conceived of. It is often the very best of intentions that form the smoothest portions on the road...

Take as an example Ten’s rather friendly action in giving Sakura a sleeping berry. In the process he planted one in Earthen soil, used alien technology to enhance the growth of a tree and then took one of the fruits of that tree - from a species of fruit designed to manipulate the dreams of an Oni - to a human woman. To say that he had not thought this through is a rather massive understatement, but what could anyone expect from such a young alien brat?

This was less a favour and more an accidental experiment. The sort of thing that amoral alien scientists may well try to set up, just to see how things turn out. But the consequences run much deeper than even the unthinking actions of a young Oni. Why don’t we begin by seeing a series of events that he would know absolutely nothing about?

Lum was humming rather happily as she floated home, just a little bit above and to the left of her darling. The two of them were returning from another eventful and fun day of school.

“What’re you so happy about?” Ataru sourly asked while peeling a moon shaped sticker off the back of his left hand. He adopted a mocking stern expression, folded his arms, leaned forward and in his best impersonation of Onsen Mark declared “Sticker fairies made this mess? A likely excuse! Get rid of them all! And nobody leaves ‘til it’s done!” he turned back to Lum and ripped a dog shaped sticker from his cheek. “Don’t see what’s so funny about that!”

Lum didn’t really understand why he was so frustrated by it all. Working together with everyone like that was her idea of fun. Then again, every time they thought they were done, someone would go to fetch Onsen-Mark and that would be the point when someone would trigger an argument, which would bring the sticker fairies back, and they’d have a brand new mess to sort out. Eventually the class resorted to taping everyone’s mouths to prevent any arguments from cropping up, which admittedly wasn’t all that much fun at all.

Still, her present good mood had nothing whatsoever to do with another inexplicably random day at school. She considered keeping it a secret from him, but then she thought back to something she’d heard said by some girls at school: Don’t keep secrets from your man. It only makes him suspicious, and that can weaken a relationship. Share the secret to strengthen it. Sounded like a bit of a platitude, but...

“I’m just refreshed after some of the best night’s sleep of my life,” Lum explained. “I ordered in some dream berries. They guarantee you’ll be out like a light all night!” Looking at him now, it was hard to see the real Ataru. Instead Lum found herself imagining the charming, loyal romantic that she’d put into her own dreams. Oh, if only he could reach that full potential, if only he ever tried for it. He could effortlessly surpass what he is now, and the two of them would be so happy together.

The next second she realised she was staring at an after image, and he was no longer quite where she thought he was. “Hello beautiful!” she heard from a little up the street, flirting at (never with, always at) some girl from another school. “I’m Ataru, why don’t you give me your name, phone number, address, sizes, so we can get to know one another a bit better?”

“D-arh-ling!” she fumed, losing her good mood to the one thing guaranteed to send it packing. Soon thereafter a thunderbolt crashed through the air from her to him with a cry of “Divine retribution!” She flew off indignant. Honestly, it hurt whenever he looked at another woman like that. Wasn’t she good enough for him? “Darling, you idiot...”

It was late at night, and Ataru was staring over the figure before him that had bloodshot eyes and a hunched figure, and he wondered why that poor bastard hadn’t crawled into bed given how utterly exhausted he looked. Oh yeah, that’s right. He was in the bathroom and this was the mirror. He’s there because it’s hours later and he’s still - still, mind you! - finding stickers in places that should not have stickers and were never honestly intended by God or evolution or whatever to have stickers attached to them. For pity’s sake, there was one in his nostril. His nostril! How did he not notice that hours ago?

Odd thing was that now he just couldn’t sleep. Every time he tried, he’d roll over and feel something attached to his skin that ought not to be there, get out of bed, crawl to the bathroom, do a quick search, crawl back to bed. Rinse and repeat. Ad nauseum.

Ugh! This was impossibly frustrating! Couldn’t things go his way just once? Once would be a nice change. He staggered back to his room and collapsed onto his pillow. Nope. He was awake. Constantly awake. Not asleep. Unable to sleep. He turned to the clock and winced. At this rate tomorrow at school would be hell! A different sort of hell to usual, but hell nonetheless!

“I ordered in some dream berries...”

His gaze was upon the closet. Desperate times, desperate measures. He crawled over the floor with a rather surprising speed, and with the lightest of light touches turned the handle. The loud creak made him wince, but after a moment it settled down and all was fine and well. He was too tired to waste breath on a sigh of relief, instead opting to peer inside to find the berries.

Once again he stopped dead, and simply stared in awe. Lum was still asleep, curled up in place with a blanket over herself, breathing softly and then there was the smile. He’d rarely seen that smile. It was a funny thing, but right at that moment Ataru thought that this Oni girl looked like an angel.

Why had he opened the closet again? Oh, right! There was a bowl of berries perched on the shelf above her head! Squinting in the dark to try and see if there were any obstructions, he reached in with a slow and surprisingly steady hand. Careful now, don’t wake her up. That way invites the shock of several lifetimes! Easy does it, easy now, almost there. Almost... there...

There was a tug on his shirt “Darling...” Lum breathed, and Ataru damn near had a heart attack right where he stood. No shock yet, just a gripped shirt. He looked down. Still asleep. Just gripping the bottom of his shirt and this was too damn cute! No, no, no! Just this once ignore the libido! Take the berry and get out of here before you start hearing wedding bells and the sound of a ball and chain getting attached to the leg! Ataru was barely able to wrestle his shirt out of her grip, but she seemed pretty much unconscious throughout the whole thing. With the same deliberate care as before he stepped away from the closet, lay down on the floor and slowly pushed the door closed with his foot. Only when he heard the click did he get himself into a comfortable sleeping position and swallow the berry.

Now he just needed to wait for the berries to kick in. Any second now, he’d be unconscious and experiencing the best night’s sleep he’d ever have. In the meantime he’d just stare at his ceiling and wait for the effect to kick in. Hopefully it worked as advertised and didn’t have any weird side effects on human physiology... Which was a fine point given that Lum’s culinary skills were better suited for her race rather than his. Maybe he should have rethought this plan.

“Don’t worry,” said the bright blue crocodile that had appeared next to him. “You can just go girl hunting while you wait!”

“I like the way you think,” Ataru replied, straightening the tie he wasn’t wearing five seconds ago.

The consequences of this are not quite yet apparent, I know. Ataru made the choice to try out some alien fruit, and wound up tripping balls. But the consequences will be known soon enough. For now let’s take a look at something that is quite a lot more obviously Ten’s fault...

Earlier in the day, a sweet and innocent young girl was walking home from school. Hardly unusual, but this particular sweet and innocent young girl stood head, shoulders and so on down to the heel above the rest. She put those adjectives to shame with her grace, charm, good looks, patience and kindness. She was in a particularly good mood today, because while she was free to go home Lum had found herself ensnared in a rather elaborate little prank she’d instigated with the queen of the sticker fairies. A small term victory, but this girl was willing to wait before getting her fullest of full revenges. Any enjoyment she could get along the way before crushing Lum like the bug she was, well that was just icing on the cake.

She skipped along the path with an innocent smile upon her face. So pure, so adorable and likeable.

“Hello Ran-chan!”

“Good afternoon Ten-chan! Excuse me for asking, but what is that?”

It looked like some sort of fruit. A berry, maybe? Pretty large. It triggered a vague memory of something in her mind, something she’d not seen on Earth...

“This? Um, it’s a gift for Sakura-neechan. She said she was having trouble sleeping lately, so -”

“This is a dream berry?!” Ran exclaimed. But... But it was huge! And it looked like it was different shades of colours... a new breed, perhaps? Wait a minute though, just wait. Ten was far too young to be able to order anything like a dream berry, never mind some new breed. Which had to mean - “Is that Lum’s dream berry?” Ten nodded, but he wasn’t telling the whole truth. There was a little hesitation in that. “Ten-chan, you can tell me! Where did you get the berry?”

She didn’t know that she could move this quickly. A dream berry tree, planted right in the middle of a park on Earth. What the hell was he thinking?! “Oh, I’ll just plant an alien tree in the middle of an area populated by humans.” Brilliant plan! Who knows what the growth ray and soil combination could have done to the berries!?

Unfortunately, she’d scared the little shit off when she’d lost her temper at him. Weighing things up, the tree had to take priority. Get to Sakura later if there’s time. The tree had to come first. It was somewhere in the park, Ten was unspecific as to where, and would these fuckers move out of the fucking way already! Huh. That seemed to do it. Something seemed to frighten them off, but can’t imagine what... Nothing scary behind li’l Ran, as a quick glance over the shoulder indicates.

The tree was remarkably easy to find. There were a few birds and rodents sleeping in the treetops, which gave the game away just the slightest bit. There was also a few berries lying on the ground, which would have to do for now. As for the tree itself? She’d have to come back with tools to deal with this. But no, not yet. First thing’s first, find out what sort of hell the little idiot had unleashed upon the humans. A handful of berries would have to do for now, come back for more if needed later on.

Ran ran home, a statement that sounds much less odd in Japanese than it does in English. She had to know what sort of effects these berries had. She had to analyse them, and... And... And clean off the berry juice from her hands, given that she’d apparently crushed them in her grip. No, there was still enough for analysis. She just had to get her equipment out with her none juiced hand and analyse how they were different from regular berries.

But first she’d just take a seat, catch her breath from all that running around. Maybe even close her eyes a little, because for some reason it was just too bright in here. Ran yawned, and too late realised her mistake. Should’ve used the other hand....

Go back - Go to the parent episode.

Lumitiel

Wed May 09 11:12:35 2012

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