This is a world without dirty jokes. Fifteen years ago, they were made illegal. Completely illegal, to the point that the government monitors what people say and do through mandatory peacemakers - that is, collars around the neck that automatically live monitor what is said and what movements are made with hands. Should any lewd action be detected, the police will come and - upon reviewing the evidence - arrest you for ero-terrorism.
This is the story of a young boy, who was the son of a prominent ero-terrorist. For most of his life, people had looked at him as if he was unclean. Inherently dirty, by the sins of the father. His old man was accused of intercourse with a high school girl - which was probably not even true.
Still though, that boy had been saved. Rescued by a beacon of innocence and purity by the name of Anna Nishikinomiya. She had stood by him when nobody else would. She had shown everyone that he was a decent, good person and not at all like his father. And now, after several years apart, he would get the chance to meet her again. The girl he had... feelings for.
Not dirty feelings. No, no. This was love. Pure and honest love. As he approached the train that would take him to that school, he wondered if he might meet her there, would she remember saving him. She had probably saved countless others, just the same was she had saved him, so it's entirely possible he would be just another face in the -
"Penis!"
Earlier, he had thought he might buy a soda from a vending machine while waiting for the train. He had not done so. Nonetheless, he did spit take, blasting soda all over the platform. That's right, he had been so surprised that he spit out soda that he had been drinking in some parallel universe.
There were people screaming, running away, and tripping over their own feet. Oh, and there was a middle aged mother who was holding her hands over her [censored] daughter’s eyes. Tanukichi's eyes went up, and up, and up... Until he beheld a sight that truly boggled the mind.
There was a girl up there. No doubt it was a girl. She was wearing underwear around her head like a mask, and was wearing... damn near nothing. Just a sheet, and so far as he could tell, nothing at all underneath.
"Hey, did you all know that a train going into a tunnel is a metaphor for sex?" the figure asked everyone below. "You're all getting aboard a penis allegory! Enjoy your trip!"
"You there! Stop that!" the police yelled, reaching the rooftop where this mystery ero-terrorist was lurking. "You're under arrest -"
And then, the ero-terrorist jumped. No, you couldn't call it jumping. That would imply she put effort into it. She just sort of took a step, and was suddenly a good twenty feet away from where she'd been before, leaving the police flummoxed.
"Aw, am I playing hard to get?" the mystery girl asked. "What are you gonna do when you catch me? Put handcuffs on and spank me?"
"Wh-Who is that?" Tanukichi asked.
"Blue Snow!" a voice snarled from next to him. A dark haired girl, wearing glasses, crushed a soda can in her grip. She looked pissed. "You won't get away this time!"
"You say that every time, Miss Ayame," Blue Snow sneered, looking down at her with disdain. "But let us see if you can catch us this time? Ohoho! It's not often that a girl gets to be premature!"
Ayame had already retrieved a ladder from somewhere, and had set it up to climb up after Blue Snow. The police backed off, seeming to defer to this girl, who rushed towards the half naked criminal like a rampaging bull. But, again, Blue Snow jumped. This time to another rooftop.
"You won't escape that easily!" Ayame yelled, producing a grapple gun and aiming for the nearby roof.
Blue Snow cocked her hip. Er. Poor phrasing, good thing he didn't say it out loud... "My, my. Are you hitting on me?"
"I'll be hitting you in a minute!" Ayame yelled. "I've been wanting a piece of you for a long time!"
"My my," Blue Snow sneered, putting her hands over her head and - gulp - doing something approximating a belly dance. "If you wanted a piece of my ass, all you had to do was ask."
The grapple gun was fired, and a moment later Ayame was ziplining over towards that rooftop. She headbutted what looked like a walkie talkie nestled into the crook of her shoulder and spoke loudly.
"Anna, she's heading south towards you! If we're quick we can pincer her!"
Anna.. it couldn’t be.. No of course not... there was more than one Anna in Japan, this was just his brain touching upon the connection.
Tanukichi stared dumbfounded at the roof where the two girls had vanished, while around him parents wept and those in authority tried to reassert themselves. The event had been so surreal that he hadn't fully caught onto it - right up until the two figures reappeared once again.
"Get back here, you perverted menace to society!"
Except that was not the same pursuer as before. Now Blue Snow was being pursued by a very different girl with distinctive silver hair. Since presumably, the hunter hadn’t suddenly paused to dye her hair a different colour.. this what? Had she been taken out..?
And wait, did the terrorist now have a different body type as well? She had been a bit bustier before, hadn't she?
Ah! That was his father talking through him! Of course, Tanukuchi was a bit odd among his peers - he actually understood a whole lot about sex that others didn't have the faintest clue of. Because it was illegal to tell them. He had no actual idea how the next generation was going to function, but he had been pretty sure Anna's parents had a good idea in mind for -
"Ah! Look out!"
Huh? Tanukuchi had been watching the chase. Blue Snow had managed to use the same zip line she had used before, while the silver haired girl was in pursuit... but when the ero-terrorist was half way through, the rope broke and she fell down.
Then everything went dark. And warm. And weirdly moist.
"Ohohoho! That's the spirit! You two have fun, see you next time!"
"Blue Snow! You - You perverted rotter! Corruptor of the innocent, teller of dirty jokes! You'll get what's coming to you one of these days!"
Huh, weird, their voices were kind of muted. It was also kind of hard to breath. Though not for long. A pressure on his face was lifted, and suddenly there was a really pretty silver haired girl staring down at him, eyes full of concern.
"Ah! Oh dear, this poor boy!" she said, eyes shining with sympathy. "I may need to resuscitate him..." Then she puckered her lips and leaned in close -
"No, no need!" Tanukuchi sputtered, gripping her shoulders and - eventually, goodness she was strong - pushing her back. "I'm awake, and I'm breathing normally."
"Oh," the girl said. "Oh! You wouldn't be... Tanukichi Okuma, would you? It has been so long! Do you recognise me? I am Anna Nishikinomiya!"
It was her. Oh, heavens above, it actually was her! He felt his face turn red, but before he could speak up one of the policemen approached.
"There's no sign of her," the policeman said. "That troublemaker Blue Snow has escaped once again."
"Pardon me officer, I can see my colleague approaching now," Anna said, suddenly serious where she was gentle before. "Ayame! Did our perimeter hold?"
The glasses-wearing girl approached, nearly out of breath. She shook her head. "I don't know how she does it, but she vanished. Again." A big gulp of air. Her eyes flickered over towards Tanukichi for a moment, then back up to Anna. "We'll get her next time."
"Indeed we will," Anna said. "Pardon me, officer. I will leave clean up duties in your care. We should, at least, take solace in the fact that we chased her off before she did any more damage to those pure, innocent minds."
"Um! I think there might be two of them," Tanukichi said all of a sudden. Trying to be helpful. Both girls froze in place. "I mean, it sort of looked like they had different body types, from what I could tell, so, maybe there's more than one of them running around?"
"Now, now, that would be completely impossible," Anna said, though for some reason her voice sounded... strained? "There wasn't a single moment between their arrival and escape that one of us wasn't watching her. She would have no chance to switch places with another person."
"Not without one of us noticing," Ayame said, her eye twitching quite menacingly. "Pardon me Anna, could we have our debriefing? The ladies room should be sufficient."
"Yes, let's make sure we're not disturbed... We'll talk more after that, Tanukichi. We have a lot to catch up on."
Huh? Had he said something wrong there? He was just trying to be helpful, but he suddenly had the distinct impression that he'd said something wrong. Never mind. Whatever it was, he could work it out later and apologise. What really mattered was... he'd finally met up with Anna again after all these years, and she was even more pretty, cute, and nice and innocent than she had been back then! Oh, how happy that made him feel. Now he could firmly plant his feet in as a happy member of this society, where dirty jokes don't exist!
Fri Jun 05 14:08:16 2020