It was the first day of summer vacation, so for the Tendo and Saotome families that could mean only one thing: Beach time! The weather was glorious, the sun high in the clear blue sky. The clouds must have also taken a break, so why not follow their lead and head somewhere you can properly enjoy it?
"Ah, this is nice!" Nabiki said, stretching out as she tugged off her shirt. She was already wearing her swimsuit underneath, a dark purple one piece which she showed off with a twirl and a smirk. "Had to go on a diet to make sure I fit properly."
"Huh, really?" Ranma asked. In girl form, because for someone with a Jusenkyo curse the act of staying in regular non-cursed form was as futile a task as trying to teach Genma Saotome manners. "Wow, you girls really gotta give it your all don't you?"
This earned him three sets of annoyed stares, because Ranma was standing there wearing a bright blue one piece with the word "boy" across her chest. A trio of boys strolled by and not a one of them had eyes for Nabiki when there was a cute and busty redhead right there to stare at.
"Hey Ranma! Want to let me bury you in the sand?" Nabiki asked, wielding a bucket and shovel in the most menacing manner one can wield such tiny toys.
"Nabiki!" Akane warned. "Just because Ranma is an insensitive ass doesn't mean you can torment him."
"Yeah!" Ranma nodded. "That's her job."
A sharp elbow to the gut, and Akane was off. Ugh, honestly! Can't he just cut it with the insensitive comments and the snark? For a day. That might be nice. Oh well! On the plus side there was no sign of -
"Hotcha!"
... Guh! Really? Akane rubbed her temple in dismay and beheld the sight of Happosai tormenting some poor girl in a tiger print -
"Pervert!" Zap. Akane finished the thought: Bikini. "I may not know a lot about earth customs, but I at least know that is highly inappropriate!"
The girl turned around and her green hair played off the sunlight. After a moment she caught sight of Akane, smiled, and floated over - yes, floated over to her, over the sand waving cheerfully at her. Those were fangs. Huh! Relative of Ryoga maybe? They didn't look lost...
"Hi there!" the girl said. "I'm a little lost, could you help me out?"
Appearances could be deceiving. But no, surely not. This girl couldn't possibly be related to -
"I'm looking to get to a place called the Tendo dojo, in a place called Furinkan. Do you know where it is?"
"Uh..." Akane quirked an eyebrow. "May I ask why you want to go there?"
"Oh, well... I'm visiting relatives."
Ladies and gentlemen, it may prove prudent to remind you all at this time that the time honoured favourite activity of all who live and dwell within the Furinkan area is "grabbing the wrong end of the stick." If it were possible for this to be an Olympic event, Furinkan would bring home the gold in perpetuity. It was a reflexive habit at this point. Compounding matters further is that by this time Akane has managed to do this so often thanks to Ranma's... Quirky behaviour and quirkier friends that her thought process went like this:
"So, that makes it sound like we're her relatives because she's trying to get to our place... But then again, I have made leaps to conclusions that weren't true quite often of late. Like that time Ranma stumbled into my room shirtless and with his bare chest glistening with oil. Or the time it sounded like Ryoga was trying to tell me he loved me, when he was actually really really hungry for some pork. Hm... I wonder what Kasumi brought for lunch. Probably sandwiches... I could have at least helped her make sandwiches, I don't mess those up! In fact I've been dying to try a combination rice cake and hot pepper sandwich, with a sprinkling of cinnamon...
"Oh right! This strange floating girl was wanting to visit the dojo! I bet she's looking for Ryoga. He hangs out more at our place than he does at his own, so that must be it!"
Aloud, she said "You had better come with us. My name is Akane, what's yours?"
"I'm Lum!" the girl said, flashing a big toothy grin. It would be beautiful if it didn't also look like she could bite your fool head off in a single go. "Ah, between you and me, I'm not actually human."
Akane looked at the horns on her head, then at the distance between feet and ground.
"You don't say..." she muttered, nonplussed. She'd seen weirder by now. At least this Lum was nice.
"I'm an Oni!" the girl continued. "Ah, and... Don't tell anyone, but we're planning to invade next week. I snuck off because I wanted to meet my cousins and uncle before we took over."
"Oh!" Akane's face fell. "That's... That's really nice."
Oh crap! She'd just learned that an alien force was coming to take over the planet! She glanced over Lum's shoulder. Happosai was still lying there on the ground, his hands reaching up and twitching. Guh! And they could take out someone like him so easily! That old man was one of the two strongest fighters she'd ever seen!
"S-Sooooft!" Happosai mumbled. Ah. His hands weren't twitching. They were groping. Which meant... "I must feel those again! Kukukuku!"
"Run!" Akane yelled, grabbing hold of Lum's hand and pulling her off down the beach while Happosai rose like the demon he truly was. She didn't look back. She didn't dare. She could feel his battle aura, and even that was making her want to stop in place. A single glance and the sheer mortal terror would grip her soul for the rest of the day.
"There's no escape!" Happosai's voice echoed across the beach.
Funny thing about Akane. Telling her she can't do something is the most assured way to make her attempt it. Trouble is that, well, have you tried to run quickly through sand? It doesn't go well. Your feet keep on sinking in, the ground's not that even, you have real trouble judging how much force you need to put in at any given step to maximise efficiency and - Oh, would you look at that, she was flying!
"Ooh, that old man is really scary," Lum observed, carrying Akane underarm as she flew upwards. "Also... Tcha, maybe consider losing weight?"
"It's muscle! Not fat!" Akane yelled upwards. "Muscle is heavier than fat!"
Lum shot her a look as if to say 'Yeah, sure.' But if she was about to make a comment it was interrupted by a loud "Hotcha!" and a small bundle of perversion leaping for Lum's chest. Akane's face went pale. She could see electricity arcing around Lum's body - while she was holding onto Akane! She had to think quickly. She had to think fast! Unfortunately the only tactic she had seen which ever worked against the old man was -
"Hey, isn't that Ranma rubbing suntan lotion on his girl form's chest?"
And the old man was gone. Sorry Ranma. She internally promised to make it up for him later on. Maybe a foot rub, or... Oh! Cupcakes! Yes, she could always treat him for putting up with that old pervert so much.
"Sorry about him," Akane sighed. Lum set her down on a nearby wall, and Akane set herself into a seated position staring out at the sea. "He's a real troublemaker. Nobody can control him. I doubt he can even control himself. Lousy stinking pervert..."
"That's alright," Lum said, setting herself down next to Akane. "I don't mind perverts if they're at least cute."
Oh, so this alien was one of those kind of girls was she? Akane sighed again. Poor Ryoga, having to deal with an alien like this for a relative. She really did feel sorry for that poor boy. Life kept on kicking him, it seemed.
Of course, she was still holding onto that stick by its wrong end like a championship contender. It absolutely refused to penetrate her skull that this girl was, in point of fact, her cousin on her mother's side. But surely that kind of misunderstanding couldn't possibly cause any problems. Right?
Sun Jul 09 15:04:06 2017
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