Gilfoy and the tapdancing Chrono-Intratitular-Encrapulator

Unending BE - episode 341325

Suddenly, the Chrono-Intratitular-Encrapulator grew a large mouth, as well as arms, legs (which were actually just pipe cleaners), and a large chimney sweeping brown appeared in one hand. Starting to dance, it began to sing one of Dick van Dyke's most famous songs, to Gilfoy's horror.

Tap dancing, it began: "Chimm-chimminee chimm-chimminee chimm-chimm cher-ee! A sweeper's as lucky as lucky can be!" Dancing next to the fireplace, it made a motion to dive up the chimney, but was halted when Gilfoy grabbed it. Struggling free, it continued its song.

"Chimm-chimminee chimm-chimminee chimm-chimm cher-oo! Luck will rub off, when you shake hands with me!" Continuing to dance, the slow-witted Gilfoy realised what he had created:

1. "If I shake its hand, I'll get lucky, and finally be able to become competent!" And then he tripped over a stool.
2. *"A new sidekick! Oh goody goody gumdrops!" And fell backwards into a bucket next to a mop with a splash.
3. "The most horrible thing in the world!" he moaned, as the machine started singing again. But he didn't fall! Or did he? Yeah, he did, right into the priceless 17th dynasty ming vase he had so foolishly balanced on the thing plaster pole, guarded by nothing but a string of cheese. But did it land on the curtains he had placed around the pole? Well, yes and no. See, it did hit the cushions, but then it rolled off and rolled under the active jackhammer Gilfoy had put on a pair of short wall pegs. He had kept it running to see if it would vibrate itself off the pegs, probably as part of some nefarious scheme. it chose this moment to pop off and crush the vase. This left Gilfoy so heartbroken he didn't see the man carrying a case labelled 'Secret to Jim's Destruction' walk by. He was heartbroken because the vase was a gift from his mother, a 400 year old Chinese vampire with a bootplace fetish, who had married his drunken Irish father because of his skills at swallowing pickles whole and then pulling them out his nose. Anyways, the point of the story is that the entire living remnant of the English Light Brigade, which, when expressed in mathematical terms, is -4.7, came charging in his front door to retrieve their newspaper.
4. *Something completely different and in no way related. AND I MEAN NO WAY RELATED AT ALL! YOU HEAR ME!?!

Thu Mar 04 22:31:08 2004

Edit Tags