"What?" said Shawna, outraged. "Your specialty is writing thousand episodes? But that's my thing! How dare you cut into my territory?"
"Your territory?” You Wish retorted. “As if! I was doing this long before you, buster, or busterette, whatever. And now you are completely in my power! Vengeance is mine!"
"Hey, easy there, smokey," said Shawna. "I'm not here to step on any toes, I just want to get into college and take a few classes, learn a few spells to alleviate my condition, that sort of thing. And you really are in my territory, you know, this thread's about me, not you. You could have chosen to write any old thousand episode. It's not my fault you happened to choose mine!"
"Oh," said You Wish, deflating a little. "I guess you're right. Oops." Then he perked up. "But we can still have an all-out inter-Author flame war, can't we? I mean, it's not every day two Authors meet in a thread, we ought to celebrate it somehow, right?"
Shawna shook her head. "I can't do that," she said. "You may have written yourself in as a genie, but I'm just an ordinary if modified human being. I'd get creamed. On the other hand, we could fuck or something. I wouldn't mind getting creamed that way!"
"You are a horny little number, aren't you? No thanks, you're really a guy, and I'm not into that sort of thing, unlike some Authors I could mention. But what's with this 'ordinary' thing? You're an Author, you're all-powerful. That's the whole damn point of Authority."
"Used to be, you deaf or something? I'm in the story now, I can't write it from the inside."
"Why not? I can. I don't think you quite understand how this all works. When an Author writes himself into the story he doesn't really go in. We're both Avatars here, stand-ins, get it? But we get to channel all the power of our original selves. That means we can do whatever the fuck we want."
"Only if we're written that way," sighed Shawna. "Maybe you are, but I wasn't."
"You are if I say you are, I'm doing the writing now, so stop being so whiny."
"But sm --"
"I don't see any sm around here, do you?"
"No. So -- I can be myself again? Really? You would do that for me?"
"Hold on, where did you get that idea? I'm just trying to get you to fight, I'm still mad at you and everything."
"Sorry, in this body I make love, not war."
"Fuck!"
"Really? O.K.!" Shawna leaned toward the genie seductively, all four nipples stiffening.
"Back off, varmint!" shouted You Wish. "That's not what I meant!"
Shawna tried not to look too disappointed. "Well tell you what then," she said. "Why don't you change me back to normal? Then we can fight."
"No way," said the genie. "If I did do something like that for you -- that would be, like nice, right?"
"Very nice!" Shawna said hopefully. "Very nice indeed! Maybe not as nice as a good screw, but still very nice."
"That's what I thought," said You Wish. "One problem with that, old girl. I don't do nice."
"Oh." Shawna's disappointment was palpable. "I am screwed, then, aren't I?"
"Will you get off that? I'm not going to screw you, I said!"
"I meant figuratively."
"I don't care what you meant, I'm not going to do it, so there!"
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Wed Dec 08 22:53:42 2004
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