Alter Ego Ran: Mister Oblivious

Unending BE - episode 1374868

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Oh, won't anyone pity poor Ataru Moroboshi? His greatest crime was having too much love. Now he was stuck. Cursed, one might say. Compelled into a relationship against his will with a psychotic electricity shooting Oni who was not the single hottest babe he'd ever laid eyes on, and most definitely not worth getting shackled down with at the first opportunity.

What crime had he committed to be saddled with such a burden? What wrong had he inflicted that he must bear with such a punishment? What - a cute girl over there, it would be positively rude of him to not let her know it right this instant!

"Hi there! I'm Ataru, pleased to meet you!" Ataru said to the knockout pink haired girl in a flowery dress who happened to be walking by his home. "So, if you don't mind my asking, your name, your address, your phone number?”

"Wow that was fast!" The beauty said. "I mean, teehee! My name is Ra~an! If you want more than that, I'll trade you for a ki~iss."

Easiest deal he'd ever made. The girl was even closing her eyes and puckering up! Bingo! He glanced around. No sign of Lum anywhere. Double bingo! He leaned in, more than ready to taste those pretty pink lips -

"I sense grave misfortune and danger in your future."

Only for the ugliest face in the universe to pop up right in between them. Ataru recoiled as though struck by a knockout blow, tumbling down the street. What a sharp and stark contrast! His libido might never reco- oh, there it was. Unfortunately Ran wasn't so lucky. The poor thing. Her lips had come into contact with the back of Cherry's dumb bald head!

"Hmm?" she whimpered, and opened her eyes. She pulled away, and Ataru reached out to her in the same way that, for example, one might reach out to someone being eaten alive by The Blob. You want to save them, but the risk... the risk you take if you do... "Gah! Noooooo!" the girl screamed, and rushed off down the street with tears streaming down her pretty face.

"How peculiar, I feel more youthful and energetic than I have in a decade," Cherry remarked. Ataru replied to that with a fist to the top of his head.

"This is supposed to be the summer of my youth, stupid monk!"

“Youth is always wasted on the young anyways.” Cherry said.

The instant that Ran turned the corner she leaned over and retched. Didn't throw up or anything, but she sure did feel like she wanted to. Gross. Gross! Gross!

"If it was that easy to kiss Darling, I would have done it already."

Grr! Ran looked up, and saw that annoying Oni floating in the air. She ignored the fact that from the angle she was flying she would have had to have come in through that wall, but anyway!

"If you think I'm giving up that easily, you've got another thing coming!" Ran said. "Hahaha! He's already shown me more interest than he's shown you, so it's clear which of us is cuter!"

"... Which one of us can act cuter..." Lum mumbled, but Ran caught that. "You were meant to hear that! Uncute! If he knew what you were really like, he'd run for the hills! That's why you're called Ran!"

Uncute? Uncute?! That Oni bitch! Floating around like that in her stupid bikini, of course guys would think she's cute! Ran would show her! She’d show that stupid abusive harpy who called herself her mother that she could find a man! And never mind the discrepancy in her train of thought!

Wait wasn’t she going to drain him to teach him a lesson about respecting her best friend Lum? Ah, well, potato po-ta-to. She could do both.

"There's no way you'll be able to seduce him that easily," Lum tsked. "He'll run away as soon as he glimpses the real you. Once he gets to know you, he'll run away, like he does with me, to flirt with other pretty girls."

"You're wrong!" Ran stomped her foot. "You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong! Just you watch! I'll - I'll go on a date with him and everything! He'll be putty in my hands before he even knows what's happening!"

"Sure, I'll go out with you!" a pretty girl said. Aha! The second girl to agree to date him today! His harem was well underway, and still no sign of Lum! "You're that guy that saved the Earth from that alien girl right? You seem pretty interesting."

"Ahahaha! Yeah, that's... a chapter of my life I'm trying to put behind me," Ataru said, rubbing nervously at the back of his head. Alas, he couldn't put Lum behind him no matter what he tried, or so it seemed. His pen fell out of his grip and rolled along the ground behind him. "Hold on a moment, let me get that so we can exchange numbers..."

In the time that Ataru was leaning down to pick up the pen, a certain pink haired girl leaped out of a nearby bush, angry eyed (not from jealousy!) grabbed hold of this girl, kissed her full on the mouth, dragged her limp body into the bush and then took her place. Then realised she had a twig caught in her hair and took it out to complete the illusion.

"There we go - Ran? What are you doing here?"

"Going out with you on that date, silly," Ran tittered, offering her arm to him.

Huh. Well... Shucks! There was no sign of that other girl anywhere nearby, so he might as well. She'd probably ditched him, and Ran was right here, so... Sure, why not!

"You know, it's hard to believe a guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend already," Ran said, all flirtatious and stuff. Hahaha! He had absolutely no experience in handling a flirty girl! Especially one as cute as this!

"Nope, I'm currently free as a bird!" Ataru said. "Although, you know... it's funny but you remind me of someone I know."

"Oh, do I?" Ran asked.

"Yeah," Ataru frowned, leaning in for a closer look. "You're undercover, aren't you? Well, you can't fool my eyes, I'd recognise your face anywhere!"

A beat for effect as Ran panicked because ~~he'd figured out Lum was her split personality~~ he must have seen her in some picture that Lum took of them!

"You're actually an idol, aren't you?" Ataru asked. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about us dating!"

“I… I… you really think this is a disguise?” Ran squeaked out.

"Oh, it's a good disguise," Ataru said. "But there's no way a girl this cute and nice isn't an idol."

This could be said to be technically true, in that the role of “Princess” in Oni society was pretty close to “Idol” in Earth Pop culture. Though with less stalking and weird obsessiveness about her dating life. Both performed at big public events, at least!

"Flatterer," Ran tittered, slapping him in the chest. Playfully. It was adorable. Man, she was really pretty! If only he could remember where he had seen her before! “Ran” couldn’t be her real name, after all. She had to be some big celebrity!

If Lum would hear Ataru’s thoughts on the matter, she would have laughed at the irony.

Alas, their date would not go far before it was interrupted, because good things can't happen to either of these two before something gets in the way...

Go back - Go to the parent episode.

Lumitiel

Mon Sep 30 00:56:15 2019

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