Anime Alter Ego: Urusei Yatsura - Ran

Unending BE - episode 855654

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Ran did not have a happy childhood. Her mother told her that her father took one look at her, got a divorce, and went off to the 4th dimension. Ran had been told this on her third birthday. It had been her gift. The next day Ran was spanked for her mother forgetting that the cake was technically Ran’s and deciding she had stolen it.

This was the general pattern for Ran’s life. Something would happen, Ran would get blamed for it, and her mother would beat her. Now, k1ds aren’t stupid. Especially not k1ds of Ran’s age. So Ran realized something was wrong quite quickly. But what could she do about it? She was small and helpless. And it’s not like her species provided her any natural weapons to even try and defend herself with. She could drain the energy of people by kissing them… after hitting puberty. So for now Ran was no different than an average human her age.

Not that Ran knew what a human was. That would come later.

For now Ran was alone at home. Her mother was off doing something. Work probably. Though Ran didn’t know what her mother did. It was then that Ran heard a sound.

“Who’s there?” The little five year old Ran said. She frowned. Was this one of those “immigrants” who wanted to steal everything not nailed down her mother ranted about while watching the news? She peered around a corner, to where a full length mirror was kept.

“Hi!” A girl Ran’s age said. She was standing in front of the mirror. She had short hair like Ran’s, though it was green instead of pink. “How’re you doing Ran?”

Ran blinked. “You know me?” She said.

“Yup! My name’s Lum! I’m your new friend!” Lum grabbed Ran and hugged her.

“I don’t have any friends?” Ran said.

“Well I’m your first!” Lum said.

“Wow… I have a friend…” Ran said. Her mother didn’t let her go to public school to make friends. Something about “vaccination requirements” and “My daughter isn’t getting injected with Taumis causing chemicals!”

You know, just in case you needed more reasons to actively dislike her.

“Let’s play!” Lum said.

Ran’s expression brightened. “Yay!” What followed was a lot of fun! Ran got to play pretend with a friend, which she never had before! They played board games. Pretended to be princess, and even played tag! Lum won that one, she was always able to catch Ran.

Finally, things wound down a little. Ran looked up at the clock. “Oh. Mommy’s going to be home soon.”

“I have an idea!” Lum said, “How about we make cookies for her?”

Cookies? Ran thought about that for a moment, “Would that make her happy?” She thought.

“Mommy loves cookies, she’s always bringing home tins of them.” Lum said. And that was right. “So come on, let’s make her some!”

Ran accepted that logic. She headed to the kitchen and, with a little help from a computer fridge, got the recipe for cookies. As she began mixing everything together, Lum popped up again.

“You know what Mommy would really like?” She said. “Hot sauce!”

“Huh?” Ran said.

“There’s that cool looking one with the five skulls on it. Let’s use it!” Lum said.

Ran thought about it for a moment. She couldn’t remember if her mom liked hot sauce in cookies. But what the heck, why not?

Ran hopped down, opened the fridge, and pulled out the hot sauce. Huh. For some reason it was glowing. Ah well. She was sure her mother would love it!

Her mother did not love it. In fact, she screamed at Ran for an hour and paddled her behind blue for it. She was a fire breathing dragon, and only the last word in that was a metaphor.

“What the fuck made you think insanity hot sauce in cookies was a good idea!?”

“Lum said it would be!?”

“Who the hell is Lum!?”

“She’s my friend!”

“Don’t lie! You don’t have any friends because nobody likes you!”


Needless to say Ran learned something that day. Lum was somehow able to sneak into her home without anybody noticing.

Of course, the reason for that was simple. Lum was not real. She was an imaginary friend cooked up by Ran. Because her mother was the worst mother in the galaxy. Meanwhile, across the galaxy, a guy in a dirty gi and his daughter sneezed. Then the father told his daughter that meant that the femininity had left her and now she was his son. Then he stole her lunch. God willing these two paragons of parenthood would never, ever meet because sparks might fly and oh, won't someone think of the children?

Lum would make periodic appearances in Ran’s life for the next two years. Always when Ran was lonely. And always, always, Lum would push Ran to do something that ultimately made her mother’s life a little worse. A little harder. Things like slipping itching powder into her clothing. Or hiding that paper that she really needed to turn in for her job. Sure, Ran got punished for it. But Ran was punished every day for something. So might as well earn it, right?

Then, at the age of seven something amazing happened.

Ran had just finished her daily spanking when the door to their household was kicked open.

“This is the GCPS!” A voice shouted, and half a dozen people barged into Ran’s house.

“Excuse me!?”

“We’ve been watching you the past month Ma’am. You beat your daughter every day, refuse to vaccinate her, and force her to talk to herself to have any friends.”

Ran didn’t know what her mother said in response. Mostly screamed in rage and had to be taken down with a dozen taser shots. Ran was taken away from her mother’s house.

Apparently she was “grossly unfit” and as such she would be losing custody of Ran. So here Ran was, sitting in a comfortable room by herself for now.

“Hi Ran!” When who should appear but Lum. “So Mommy’s gone now huh.”

“Yeah.” Ran said. She looked down at her lap.

“Apparently forever! You’re going to be adopted.” Lum said.

Ran nodded. That seemed to be the case. But… wasn’t she a bad girl? She was punished constantly by her mother. Sure that meant something was wrong with her, right?

Lum frowned. “Oh Ran.” She said. “Tell you what, why don’t you go take a nap for a bit?”

Ran looked over to Lum. “What?”

“Oh, it’s just, you know, after all Mommy did to you, it seems like you want to take a nap. So how about you rest, and when you’re ready you can come over and play with me some more?” Lum said.

Ran had to admit that did make sense. She was tired, a nap would be good. And who knows, maybe she’d wake up and things would be better. She laid down and closed her eyes.

“Ran?” A GCPD caretaker flipped the lights on, “You awake?”

“Hmmm…”” The girl opened her eyes. “Yes?”

“Our Adoption A.I’s match you up with a couple who are looking for a ch1ld. Do you want to meet them?”

“OK!” She said. Bouncing up out of bed.

“OK! Here are Mr. and Mrs. Invader.” She stepped aside and Ran saw a very large man tep into the room, followed by more normal sized woman.

“Oni?” She said.

“Yes that’s right. They’re Oni, but they didn’t mind a cross-species adoption.” The caretaker said.

“Hey there kiddo! What’s your name!” Mr. Invader said.

The girl blinked, and then smiled brightly at them. “Lum!”




Mr. and Mrs. Invader quickly grew to love their new daughter. They didn’t quite get why Ran insisted on being called Lum, but since it wasn’t harmful in any way they went along with it. Probably a mistake, but one made in good faith.

Lum quickly became quite popular when she went to school. She made two very good friends in Oyuki and Benten. Sure, they were troublemakers, but k1ds will be k1ds.

Also it turned out the Invaders were the rulers of the entire planet! Which made Lum the princess! It was like the games she used to play with Ran became real!

As she grew up she insisted on getting some clip on horns. Funny, it seemed like Lum really wanted to be a full Oni. The particular clip on horns had an anti-gravity device to simulate flight. As well as some electric generators to help imitate an oni’s natural electricity generating abilities. It became very difficult to tell her from an Oni at a glance. You’d have to notice the horns were fake and/or take a DNA test.

There was a minor bit of controversy when Mr. Invader picked Lum to lead the Tag Game for Earth. Not because she wasn’t technically an Oni. But because some purists thought using technology to fly was cheating. In the end, she lost anyways despite her “advantage.”

On the plus side, she gained a fiance after that nasty break up with Rei.

So things went normally, for a while. As normal as an adopted alien princess in love with a perverted unlucky boy can be. While having all sorts of weird and silly adventures. Until, one day…

Well, let’s just say a nap ended.




“Oh that silly boy!” Lum said. She was in her room. Which was technically her dear Ataru’s closet. But with a cheap Space Expander she was able to make it around the size of a cozy apartment. With a bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and game room. She had her nose upturned and was in her bedroom part. Namely in front of the cyber-vanity, sitting down and taking off her makeup for the day.

Today had been another long day of watching the man she loved flirt with other girls, while being flirted with by a bourgeoisie weirdo who seemed to think that being rich made her want to like him. Oh, and to top it off she pulled the ring off the can of soda she bought to go with her lunch and had to pry the stupid thing open manually with a knife!

“It’s like.. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother sticking around.” Lum said, and with that she pulled the clips off her hair. With the artificial horns removed, her body fell slightly to land on the cushion. Her hair shifted from green to pink, no longer being colored by technology. “He’s just… ugg he makes me so mad!”

That’s when Lum realized that there was someone sitting on the vanity. “You idiot!” She shouted.

“Ran!?” Lum jumped back, unable to fly right now. “Wh-what are you doing here.”

“What am I doing here? What do you think I’m doing here!? I’ve been watching you mess up that’s what!” Ran shouted. “What were you thinking!? Dumping Rei for that idiot human boy!”

“Oh we are not having this argument again Ran. You’re the one who liked Rei, yet you kept tricking me to go on dates with him!” Lum said.

Ran’s face turned red. A mixture of blushing and anger. “Th-that's’ because I got too nervous! All I could think about how awful I am compared to how you are just sooo perfect Lum. The perfect little princess!”

Lum winced. “Ran, I just wanted to..”

“Yeah yeah. You just wanted to help me. I’m an unlovable little brat who can’t control herself.” Ran slammed her hand down on the vanity. This made Lum shake and some makeup fall onto the floor “Well guess what?” She smiled wickedly, “You’re so frustrated with Darling I’m going to punish him for you.”

“Wait, what do you mean. Ran!?” Lum said.

“What I mean is that I’m going to kiss him. And drain him.” Ran said, “Maybe then once he’s like an old man he’ll appreciate it when a cute girl says she loves him!”

“Wait!” Lum silently slammed her palm against the mirror “Ran please don't do that what if you can’t give him the energy back!? You know it’s not an exact science!”

“Oh don’t worry. I can always just borrow energy from other people if that’s the case.”

“That’s even worse!”

Ran picked up some lipstick. It was a color she liked which Lum never used. Namely pink. Ran liked pink, it matched her hair. She then applied some blush, eyeshadow, and pressed a button to lower a hair curler down over her head. In a flash her cute pink hair was curly and perfect!

Next she skipped over to the closet. Lum’s closet. And her’s. Not Ataru’s which she technically lived in along with her best friend and worst enemy. She pushed past Lum’s outfits. Which was mostly tiger striped bikinis and dresses. With the odd piece of Earth clothing she had bought for dates with their Darling. Here in the back was Ran’s clothing.

Ran tossed off the tiger print bikini and gogo boots that Lum had insisted she wear today. “Yeah yeah I bet you think I look adorable.” Ran muttered. “I bet you just wanted to ogle me!”

“Ran! I’m not into girls!” Lum said.

Ran was, by the way. It had made things a little awkward during Setsubun one year. “Oh so what, you wanted me to catch the attention of men? Maybe Rei?”

“Rei wouldn’t notice you if you were naked.” Lum said flatly.

Ran ignored that and pulled out her own clothing. Ran had her own sense of fashion. And it went for cute and frilly. A blue dress with lace frills, the blouse modestly covered her chest. No lewdness here! However, it fit well enough that her curvy figure was quite noticeable. Hinting at her attractiveness without being noticable. Her mother had always said nobody wants a slut that being subtle was the way to go! White stockings and black flats ans Ran was ready to go.

“Tee-hee! Let’s see Darling resist this!” Ran said.

“Ran! Please don’t drain darling!” Lum pleaded.

“We’ll see Lum. Maybe if he can keep his eyes on me and me alone, maybe I won’t need to punish him.” Ran skipped out of her room, eager to show Lum how catching a man was done.

  1. For some reason Ataru thinks Ran is Lum. How silly. S̨̓̐͒h̡eͭ̀̌’̸̌ͯͬ̇ͦͩl̂ͬ҉lͯ͋̅ͪ̂ͭ ̐̂͆́́h̋͟a͜v̄̋ȩ͗ͥ̉͂ͮ͋ ̒̈́̂̋͑ͪ͜t͂̎̍o͞ ̈́̿́́̂̋̕cör̶̅ͪ͛ͮ̾ͫ̍r̂e̛ͦ̊͐̇̑ͥc̒͘t ̇h̶̆̀i̍ͧ͑ͥ̐̑ͬm͗͛͒̒̈́̀͘.͌
  2. *A new cute girl out of nowhere flirting with him? Ataru’s on that like mold on bread.
  3. Darn. Darling isn’t around. Ran will have to ask Ten where he went.
  4. When she comes out of her room, the house is empty. It seems they all went out somewhere. Ah well, a fine time to look around town!
  5. Something Else.
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Tritan

Thu Aug 22 23:42:16 2019

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3 comments   Last updated: Sat Aug 24 08:28:01 2019