When Kazuma and his teammates returned to Axel, things were starting to look better again. Although the job had been a horrible joke, they had gotten good money for it. Thus they expected to be relatively well off for a while. That is, until the debt collectors came to get their share. And they cared nothing for the fact that they had already split the money among the group. Nope, they took the same rate from Megumin and Aqua as from Kazuma.
Which once again left their group with… rather little money to be honest. Taking on a profitable quest more close by would be great. Unfortunately there weren’t many options that weren’t either incredibly dangerous, badly paid, or both. That is until they found out about the reports regarding that old castle formerly used by the demon lord general Beldia. Apparently a bunch of monsters had decided to move in there. Cleaning the place of these new residents would bring in good money. But inside a castle Megumin would be useless anytime they weren’t in a courtyard or something similar.
Thus they were in a rather troubling situation, especially since without Darkness they were already one head short of a fully party. Then it was Megumin of all people who suggested a solution for this.
“Kazuma, Kazuma!” She declared.
“Yes, I am Kazuma.” He answered while taking a drink from his mug.
“Look, it is clear that If we want to take on that quest, we have to do something different.”
“So you want to learn some magic other than explosion? I have a couple wonderful suggestions!” Kazuma’s answer came immediately and he smiled at her smugly.
“Of course not you idiot, I meant we have to get a replacement for Darkness, preferably someone who can put up a fight.” She immediately answered in an annoyed tone.
“Wait, you want to replace her, I didn’t expect that of you Megumin.” While Kazuma spoke, he rubbed his eyes as if he were wiping away tears.
“It's only temporary! We will just ask if anyone wants to team up with us until Darkness returns, there are a lot of adventurers without a team that will jump at such a chance.” Kazuma paused at that answer from Megumin. It was true, there were always people who were without team for one reason or another.
*Scene Break
Kazuma tried to suppress a twitch as he threw out the newest applicant for their group. There had been a frustrating amount of people that had just become adventurers after deciding that inheriting their parent’s shop wasn’t interesting enough. Why they would think so was beyond him. He would certainly prefer being the owner of a bar or a bakery to nearly getting eaten by giant toads. He pondered, maybe it was a side-effect of this whole thing where people refuse en-mass to reincarnate back into this world. If all the smart people made that decision, then that left only the foolish, lucky and stubborn as the next generation.
After the last fool had finally left through a backdoor, he went back to the main entrance and opened the door. “Next please?” It was more of a question than an order, since he couldn’t see anyone in front when he opened the door.
Then a figure in long flowing robes wandered into his field of view from the side. “Ah, finally. I was already wondering if I would ever get my turn.” The figure was male, easily discernible by the white beard on his wrinkled but kindly face, it was rather impressive, going nearly down to his feet. His grey robes looked well made, but like they had been patched up quite a lot over the years. On top of his head was a large crumpled wizard hat.
Kazuma blinked in some surprise as the elderly man walked past him. That was unusual, he had never seen anyone this old among the adventurers in the city.
The man ended up sitting opposite them. After turning his chair around, ensuring that his back was turned to them. Ohhhh dear. Kazuma could already see the direction this conversation was going.
“Ahhh excuse me mister..” Called Megumin from beside Kazuma, eyeying the man with a mix of confusion and curiosity.
The old wizard turned his head just enough so that they could see him, but without really facing them. “I don’t look people in the eyes while talking with them. That way, invites the demons to steal your soul.” At this, Kazuma felt like facepalming and barely resisted the urge, mostly due to exposure from Megumin and Aqua. “Are all wizards chuni?” He asked in a whisper of Megumin.
“We are not! Whatever that is..” Answered the Archwizard in indignation.
“Well well, let’s just continue the interview.. !” Aqua tried to be the voice of reason, which was suitable disturbing that both Megumin and Kazuma decided to drop the argument. “So could you introduce yourself, tell us what sort of skills would you bring to our party? We are planning for a quest soon and need a temporary member.” The Isekai’d boy asked while hoping beyond hope that this would not get worse.
“Oh my name… ehh…” The bearded man paused and lifted his head to scratch his head for a moment before starting to search the pockets of his robe. Out came all manner of knicknacks, including a tiny golden dragon statue, pipeweed, a rather weirdly shaped potato and finally a piece of paper. Specifically a guild card.
“Ah yes, my name is Fribus, Fribus the Fabulous!” To accentuate his words, he lifted a hand into the air and small fireworks spontaneously appeared from thin air.
“I… I see…” Answered the three adventurers and looked at each other. This wasn’t going to get them much… not at all.
“Oh and for my skills.. well I have mastered Intermediate and Advanced Magic, Elemental Manipulation, Conjuration, Abjuration..” The man started to babble on and on, clearly reading things off of his guild card rather than having actually memorized any of that. Kazuma frowned at the strangely foreign yet familiar terms. But Megumin next to him seemed to all but sparkle with attention. “What?” He asked.
“He knows every spell I have ever heard of. And a couple that I am pretty sure were still theory when I graduated back home.” It was rare to see Megumin get excited about anything not involving explosion magic or her chuni roleplay. So this was weird. “Why do you care?” Kazuma frowned, this made no sense.
“If he deals with the utility, I can use my explosion to beat the end boss!” Was her immediate answer.
The ancient looking wizard hadn’t stopped speaking at all, at some point switching to his past work experiences. “And I was Supreme Mugwump for a month because of that…” Then he paused at hearing their conversation. “Oh yes. Explosion! What a charming spell.” The bearded wizard nodded, looking for all the world like the kindly old grandfather all ready to give candy and tell bedtime stories. “Nothing is better at opening these damn pickle jars.”
Megumin’s jaw dropped while Kazuma barely suppressed a chuckle that would likely get him kicked in the shin. Aqua was just nodding along, likely without really understanding what was going on. “Oh you have to teach me that firework trick from earlier, I am sure that would be so great for parties.” Was her own addition to the by now rather casual interview.
“Oh yes yes.. devil!” He declared loudly while pointing at Megumin, or specifically at her hat from which a small black cat was sticking its head out. “Damned beast from the deepest pits of hell, you show yourself.”
Immediately the young Archwizard grabbed her familiar and pulled her towards her chest. “Chomosuke isn’t a devil!” She declared loudly. “He is a very good familiar.”
The old wizard paused, scowling and then tilting his head. “Are you sure?...”
*Nod*
“Hmmmm… must have mixed it up with that dark beast from back then.. cannot be careful enough I guess. But I will keep an eye on the guy..” “Girl!” “... girl, and if they try anything I will turn it into a tortoise.”
Everyone once again paused at that. “Why a tortoise?” Asked Kazuma out of morbid curiosity.
“Why, everyone knows that nothing is a better at sealing powerful beings than turning them into a tortoise.” The old wizard answered in a tone like he were speaking with someone very young.
“Right.. well we will give a call if we decide to hire us… don’t call us we'll call you!”
With these words, the boy from Japan ejected the clearly senile old wizard out of the mansion. The fact that he started to tell them his life story made the rest of his party help him quickly.
*Scene Break*
Kazuma sighed and opened the door again to let in the next person and that was…
“Yunyun?” Megumin was the one to say this as the clearly nervous girl walked in. Kazuma felt like smiling, yes if this could work out then maybe….
“Out! We don’t need another wizard.” With these blatant lies Megumin started to push the poor girl out of the door. Great, and Kazuma had hoped that their little dream adventure would help them getting along. Maybe he should ask the Succubus Shop if they could make the occasional visit to that chuni wizard when they were out of the house?
*Scene Break*
“Ahhh and you would be ma’am?” The women looked very strange, especially by the rather fantasy oriented local standards. A dark brown, nearly black trenchcoat and a similarly dark tricorne with red hair under it. Green eyes glittered with something.. dangerous if he were to say.
“Juliet.” She answered after a moment. “My Class is duelist, I specialize in offensive and surviving through agility.” So a dodge tank, that was a rather niche thing even in this world Kazuma thought. “Oh, that outfit is interesting. Where did you get it?” And Aqua immediately moved away from the important things. Unless one used her own standard of “important” that is.
“Oh, it is from my homeland, I am from a great isle in the west.” Kazuma paused in his writing, this woman was looking like the first real potential candidate so far. “Oh, what is your home like?”
Juliet put a finger to her lips and seemed to think about that. “There are more eyes on everything, lots and lots of eyes.” Everyone blinked in confusion at that. “Oh, and there is lots of blood everywhere, it is quite wonderful. So much blood.. and blood...” At this she smiled and suddenly Kazuma felt a sense of dread.
“I.. I see… is there any reason why you haven’t got a party yet?” He said, trying to steer the interview into another direction entirely.
This seemed to sadden the woman for some reason. “Oh I don’t quite understand it, everyone I have partied up with has screamed and ran away after the first run-in with monsters. It is like they had never seen a hunt before…” The way she was saying the word “hunt” gave all of them the goosebumps.
The way that the woman kept mentioning that she would love to go with them and just cut monsters into pieces did not help. Neither did the fact that she lost a vial with a red liquid when getting up to leave.
*Scene Break*
“Next Please” He said and.. there was Yunyun again, wearing huge glasses and a fake nose. Kazuma blinked, genuinely questioning the sanity of anyone in this world before giving a deep and long sigh. With a flick of the hand, he snaffled the glasses right off of the girl.
“Yunyun!” Said Megumin in shock… had she actually been tricked by the costume?
“Noooo! I just want to be in your party Megumin..”
Kazuma just shook his head and waved in the next person.
*Scene Break*
“Alright, you would be?” He asked the woman who was wearing a rather strange outfit. A dirty apron over yellowish clothes and glasses that seemed to gleam dramatically every time she looked downwards. “Lillian, it's a pleasure to meet you.” Right after she said that, she threw her head back and laughed diabolically. Kazuma and his teammates immediately inched a little away from her.
The women pushed some of her blonde hair aside. Her hairstyle could be described as.. the Einstein may be the correct term? Kazuma wondered if she had some sort of run in with a lightning shooting monster.
“And I am an Alchemist, make all sorts of wonderful drinks and potions and chemicals. If you can imagine it, then I can make it.” The blonde once again laughed madly for no reason and pushed a vial of some purplish liquid into Kazuma’s hand. “Here, a free sample of my newest invention. Turns you invisible for an hour.” The single male in the room opened his eyes in shock at that, immediately letting the possibilities flicker through his eyes. This led to the two females that knew him looking on with dread.
Then the blonde paused for a moment. “But you lose all your hair and your skin turns bright purple for a week after you drink it." Kazuma twitched and carefully placed the sample on the desk a distance from himself.
“So how do you fight?” Asked Megumin after this particular disappointment.
“Oh, I have a lot of potions that are useful for that. Some melt anything, others explode..” that of course got an immediate appreciative look from Megumin. “.. and some turn into a Class 2 Angry Glob.. but I haven’t yet found out how to do that on purpose.” She shrugged at that, for some reason expecting the other three people present to understand what she was talking about.
“I also have some potions that can give temporary stat boosts or debuff enemies if they are affected. Some evaporate though.. I suggest keeping some distance.” Then she mumbled something about how it wasn’t her fault that the knight ended up switching bodies with the monster they were fighting. Who would have expected that the chemicals would combine like that?"
Kazuma decided that this may not be the safest option, the rest of the party mostly agreed.
*Scene Break*
"My name is Nuy Nuy! Fencer extraordinaire and manliest man in the world! Have at thee!"
There was a moment of silence as the the fake mustache fell off. It was Yunyun again. Kazuma facepalmed, Aqua had fallen asleep already and Megumin pointed to the door.
*Scene Break*
“Solana Virfir, I am a thief, very much pleased to meet you.” The silver haired woman introducing herself was actually quite beautiful. She was clad in a simple cloak that was hiding a good deal of her body. But it was clear that she was an Elf, the pointy ears kind of gave it away.
“I see.. well we were more looking for someone who could take a combat role or support our fighter..” Kazuma said, looking a little uncertain at the slip of a girl who appeared to have just stepped into puberty. She was rather petite and from what he could see, while she wasn’t outright flat, she didn’t seem to have much in the manner of a bust. And with the way she looked around shyly, she didn’t seem like the type who could get into their crazy adventures and come out in one piece.
“Oh, I can fight! I have been learning dagger fighting and throwing for the last 79 years.” Aaaaand that just derailed Kazuma’s train of thoughts. She was totally in his striking zone, but she looked so young. But wait, she was actually really old, so wouldn’t that be like flirting with a granny?
“Hey that is my favorite wine glass!” Kazuma blinked and turned back to see a unusual commotion. Aqua was looking accusingly at their interviewee and the other person in question looked shamefully at the ground. “Oh I am sorry, it is a bad habit. I just grab things sometimes and..” Before she could continue, Megumin had joined in. “Hey, don’t stuff Chomosuke into your bag while trying to distract us!”
“Ehhhh?” The elven lady turned her head and indeed she was grabbing the small black creature by the scruff of its neck. “Oh no, I am so sorry..” She returned the cat with a clearly apologetic face. Kazuma meanwhile felt like facepalming again. This was just the sort of thing he should have expected.
“Alright.. let’s all calm down.” The boy tried to do his best to be the voice of reason, grabbing Megumin and Aqua and pulling them away from the clearly scared elf. The two girls blushed for some reason as he did that and seemed to almost flee his touch as soon as he let go. “Why don’t you just tell us… do you have any useful skills?” He looked at the girl, which he had to remember himself was possibly older than his grandmother, with some hope. These other idiots all had at least one useful quality, maybe she did as well?
“Ahh.. ahh.. well...” She started stuttering a little.. “I know a couple languages, like old demonic, orc, goblin, slime, minotaur, latin, esperanto, sindarin, dwarvish, bird-tongue, merfolk -"
Aqua held up her hand. "Would it be quicker to tell us which languages you don't speak?"
"Uh... Yes?"
There was a beat of silence. "Well?" Aqua asked. "What languages don't you speak fluently?"
"Um... I guess, none of them? At least none that anyone still speaks."
Kazuma stared at her for a moment. Had she said Latin and Esperanto? "Can you speak Spanish?"
"Si."
"French."
"Oui."
He scowled suspiciously. "Leet?"
"I said languages that people still speak."
Kazuma twitched, wondering for a moment about the meaning of this revelation. Had this elven woman found a way to his homeworld? Or did she just learn some languages from people reincarnated here? With his luck it was likely just the latter. It would be way too good if there was some easy way to move back and forth between earth and this place to be true. Then he'd have access to modern amenities.
The things he could possibly accomplish with a simple internet connection and access to Wikipedia. The Demon Lord would last a month, tops.
But wait… if this girl knew all sorts of languages.. then maybe there was more? "What about things other than languages? What do you know about... math?"
"Well. I guess I am alright?” She said, seemingly embarrassed by how Megumin and Aqua were staring at her like she was a dragon in a ballerina dress. "Last night I wound up scribbling some notes in the margin of my book about a formula I thought up that proved no three positive integers a, b, and c satisfy the equation an + bn = cn for any integer value of n greater than 2."
"... Fermat's Last Theorem?" Kazuma asked, vaguely remembering that from a math class.
"Unfortunately I was then distracted when I noticed that it was impossible to square the circle, and wrote out the proof for that instead. And well, next I wound up losing that paper when I had to fight off a group of flying pigs.”
Competent at fighting... A walking encyclopedia...
"How old is this building?" Kazuma asked out of nowhere.
"Eh? Well.. It broke grounds ten years ago, replacing the previous inn which was burned down when its owner at the time was introduced to the concept of 'insurance' and they had a really sneaky idea to make some money."
"How much is this fork worth?"
"A tenth of a gold coin. The metal it's made of is really easy to mine."
“Oh! Who is the better Goddess, Eris or Aqua?” Asked the blue-haired beauty who had been looking back and forth at the exchange.
"According to 'Goddess Evaluation Monthly' -" she began, but was quickly silenced when Kazuma slapped his hand over her mouth.
"That's enough!" he yelled. "And give me back my shoe! And that fork!"
The elf looked down at her hands, the boy’s own still covering her mouth. Seemingly only now noticing that she was indeed holding onto the said items. Immediately she blushed and tears seemed to gather at the corners of her eyes.
"It's not only useless information you know of right?" Kazuma asked. "Do you also know things like monster weaknesses? Local geography? How much items are actually worth?"
“Ehhh.... Oh well… I guess it depends on the thing in question… but I do have a good grasp on the classic bestiary, the kingdom’s geography and my item appraisal skill is maxed.”
"Kazuma, I don't think we should -" Megumin began.
"You're in!" Kazuma enthusiastically declared, already seeing the potential for someone like this. Sure, the kleptomania was annoying, but... The knowledge base! Someone else capable of physical attacks! If anything this might be a trade up from Darkness!
“Hey! Give me back my panties.” As Megumin screamed that and started wrestling with the newfound font of knowledge, Kazuma blinked. Then he looked closer and saw that yes, the elf was indeed holding a pair of panties. One that seemed kind of… familiar now that he thought about it. "How did you even get those off me?!"
"Eh... Panties are overrated," Aqua sighed. "Actually, come to think... her hands never went anywhere near Megumin. Does that mean -"
The eyes of all three party members fell upon Kazuma. There wouldn't be more disgust in their eyes if they were looking at a pig rolling around and eating its own muck.
“I.. I heard... some rumours.. but I didn’t think they were true.. and you were so nice too!” In addition to the disgust, the hurt look on the silver haired elves face was even worse. It was like kicking a puppy, an ancient puppy that may have lived longer than this kingdom but still!
"Sh, it's alright!" Aqua cooed. Meanwhile, Megumin was busily bopping her staff over and over again on Kazuma's head. "This loser of a NEET is in desperate need of female contact, and this is the only way he knows how to get it. That moment of realizing this fact was traumatic for all of us."
"Dummy! Dummy! Dummy! Dummy!" Megumin chanted, unknowingly charging up the pendant around Kazuma's neck and feeding off lust into the room in the mansion they were sitting in with her repeated attacks.
“So.. he has a condition where he cannot control his desires? I think there was a curse like that... yes, that's right! The Queen of the Succubi once cursed a troublesome hero investigating her with perpetual lust. It was her way of ensuring that he couldn't dare interfere with them, or her minions would steal all of his life energy.” The way she spoke was almost like a narrator in one of these historical documentations.
Aqua blinked, wondering for a moment if that demon she had felt before the Destroyer had appeared could have actually cursed this stupid NEET. “That sounds pretty bad, how did they deal with that?” As they were talking, Kazuma had decided that he had been hit enough and tried to make a run for it. Megumin, never one to let a crime go unpunished had taken to the chase immediately.
"Dummy! dummy! Dummy! Dummy!" she yelled.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Kazuma responded while racing around their dinner table, Megumin hot on his heels.
As the two were doing their little game of cat and mouse, Solana continued her explanation for Aqua. “Oh, you see this hero had a group of beautiful female comrades who went on adventures together with him. While reluctant, they cared too much about him to risk his life and decided to satisfy his lust themselves. When the Succubus Queen fought the hero, her life-stealing spells did absolutely nothing at all. I think they even made a statue of that hero and his comrades in the capital.” Hearing this, Aqua tilted her head and imagined how this must have been.
Of course Aqua knew what a NEET was, she had been responsible for Japan after all! She probably knew more about their culture than anyone else in this world. But still, if Kazuma had really been cursed that would have been horrible. As his comrades, they would have had to sacrifice themselves to deal with the problem. Which meant she would have to have sex with the NEET! the very thought inflicted more damage than any giant frog.
The Goddess of water bit her lower lip and shuddered at the thought. Surely he would use the opportunity to use their bodies as much as he pleased. After all, he had the excuse of needing to do so because of a curse! He would probably play out all sorts of perverted plots from h-games and doujins with them.
The blue haired Goddess’s breath quickened at the thought, her face flushing just a tad. She wouldn’t want to do it of course. But Kazuma had helped them when they were in trouble too after all. Even risked his life a couple of times. They couldn’t leave him hanging. And as a great, beautiful and regal goddess, she would surely be the first he would abuse.
“What a horrible idea.” Aqua mumbled to herself, shaking her head as if to clear her mind. Solana watched her with a tad of confusion, not nearly as affected by the power of the pendant due to this being her first meeting with their unusual group.
At that moment, the chase between Kazuma and Megumin reached its height, with the male outracing the female finally. “Haha! Catch me if you caaaah!” He really shouldn’t have looked back, or he would have seen the crack in the floor. As is, he tripped quite badly, crashing right into a bookshelf.
Which then immediately lost its balance and toppled right over him. Our unfortunate protagonist screamed as he was buried under a mountain of books, from little magazines to giant doorstoppers. Megumin stopped in front of the devastation and blinked in surprise.
Then a grin appeared on her face and she struck a pose.
“Haha! That is what you get for being such a pervert, this must be divine intervention.”
“But I didn’t do anything.” Interrupted Aqua in confusion.
“I didn’t mean you.” The girl from the Crimson Demon clan scowled, even as she tried to calm down from the chase. And it was only because of the chase that she was feeling so hot. The sweat made her clothes stick to her body and that was the only reason why she could see suspicious outlines on her top. If her face was flush, well that was also a totally natural and non-perverted reaction.
Then the newest and so far biggest wave of lust energy got released by the medallion. Megumin shivered and rubbed her legs together. Goodness, it was really hot in here, wasn’t it? Maybe she should go and.. take a little bath.. yes a private bath may be the best right now.
And that had absolutely nothing to do with her having certain thoughts regarding a stupid NEET!
When Kazuma managed to free himself from this newest predicament, the girls had already left so they could get to know each other before their first adventure.
Tue Dec 26 18:48:29 2017