This may come as a surprise for those not in the know, but the Christian Church has a lot of denominations. As in, too many. Way, way too many. Just saying you're a Christian doesn't properly convey your belief system as well as it should. For one like Kanzaki Kaori, a quite literal modern day Saint, that fact rankled a touch. As a part of Necessarius, alongside her partner Stiyl, they had to deal with a lot of heretics from all around the world on a regular basis.
"Is this mission for real?" Stiyl calmly asked, leaning back against a wall. "It sounds like someone higher up is playing a daft joke."
"Careful, Stiyl," Kanzaki said. "I don't mind you saying that sort of thing, but if the wrong person heard you..."
Stiyl shrugged. He was right though. It sounded ridiculous. Nonetheless, their instructions were explicit. Here they were to meet up with members of a different part of the Church. A part that dealt with... different sorts of threats.
To explain further: Necessarius was mentioned before. They are more accurately called the Church of Necessary Evil. You see, magic is a form of heresy among the Christian faith. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live et al. However, combating that particular form of heresy without magic of your own is like bringing a spine to a gunfight. Thus, a branch was created for the explicit purpose of combating magicians - which meant researching magic, learning how to defend from it, and ultimately becoming a magician yourself.
One of the very witches that thou shalt not suffer to live, existing as a necessary evil to hunt down those who were unnecessarily evil. Hence their name. Hence their unpopularity among the Church. Nonetheless, they were necessary, and so often ordered to take on missions to protect the very faith that looked down upon them, the very faith that still found them necessary. Thus you could say that, in one sense, they were the most devout believers of all... not that anyone would be foolish enough to say it out loud.
Though magicians were not the only enemies of Christianity, it must be said. There were... other enemies as well. Devils. Fallen Angels. Their ilk. For them, Necessarius was not sufficient to fight them, and so other divisions were created to combat them. They would not use magic to fight, but rather divine blessings which would be extremely effective against unholy monsters, but less effective against humans.
Two of them were approaching now. Perhaps it was her nature as a Saint, but Kanzaki could sense them as they approached. Two hooded girls, about her age. She could see a hint of blue hair under the hood of one of them, while the other had red hair.
"Is this your first mission?" Kanzaki asked as they approached. The pair of them stopped. "You should learn to be more inconspicuous. As you are, you stand out like a sore thumb."
The blue haired one flipped down her hood and looked Kanzaki over. "Pardon me for saying so," she said. "But the manner of your attire is more eye catching than ours."
Kanzaki looked down. Indeed, her clothes were a bit odd. Jeans that had one leg torn off, and a rather loose fitting shirt. It probably didn't convey the impression they were expecting from a Saint. Kanzaki shrugged. The clothes were there to support her magic. There was no need to defend them.
"Are you from the Holy Swords?" Kanzaki asked. "I am Kanzaki. This is Stiyl. What are your names?"
"I am Irina, and this is Xenovia," the blue haired one replied. Kanzaki pursed her lips. There was something strange about these two. The blue haired one especially. She stepped forward to look her over. She was pretty. Despite the robe you could tell she had a good body under there, but -
She discretely nicked the end of her index finger, then put it on the girl's forehead and felt her flesh sizzle. Xenovia pushed away. Rubbed at her forehead. The injury healed almost immediately. The only type of person who would have that reaction to a Saint's blood would be -
"A Devil...?" Kanzaki said. "As a member of the Holy Swords?"
"Strictly speaking I'm not a member anymore," Xenovia said. "There were complicated circumstances leading to this - To keep it simple, I'm here as a favour to Irina, and to help keep the peace between the factions."
She looked towards Stiyl. Then towards Irina. The girl took a deep breath, dropped her robes - and then let loose a pair of very distinct feathery wings. Ah.
"Quite the unusual friendship there, an Angel and a Devil..." Stiyl whistled. "Alright. What do you make of this mission? More to the point, what do you know about it?"
"We are here to investigate a mysterious hypnotic power called Titnosis," Irina said. "Though I am unclear why you wished to meet here, at Academy City."
"There's an ally I want to meet with," Kanzaki said. "Don't shake his hand. Either of you. I mean it. If you thought my finger made your flesh sizzle, his touch would be much worse."
Despite that, for an unusual mission like this, having that boy Touma and his Imagine Breaker would be a tremendous advantage. Index might be useful to have around as well. Though she'd be kept far, far away from anything, her knowledge base was deeper than pretty much everyone else on the planet. If anyone could work out how this... titnosis worked then it would surely be her.
"Hold on one moment," Stiyl said. "You two seem to be taking it in your stride. Don't you think it's a bit weird?"
"Not especially," Xenovia said. "We are both aware of a Devil who can quite literally talk to breasts."
That sounded like a rabbit hole she'd avoid, thank you very much.
"For the time being, let's say that it's real," Kanzaki said. "There are certainly unusual forms of magic out there, and several of the magicians we've encountered have been perverts. Myself and Stiyl have the typical defenses that a magician will have to mental effects." Namely, once their defenses felt something affect their thinking their mind would shut off until the effect ceased. It was an extreme measure, but better than being forced to attack your own allies. "I imagine that Angels and Devils have protection of their own as well?"
"To an extent, yes," Xenovia said. "Though if it is strong enough it could be a problem.
"The effect would have to be extremely powerful though," Irina quickly added. And if it was that extremely powerful, then they were in a bad position anyway. Very well. Then there was little else for it but to head towards Touma's place to ask him for -
A shadow passed by. Kanzaki looked up. That had seemed human shaped. It wasn't unusual to see a human travelling overhead in a city full of teleporters and telekinetics and other assorted Espers. Nonetheless, something about that shadow caught her attention, and it wasn't until she looked up that she understood it.
Oh those tits are perfect.
The thought passed by her so quickly that she didn't even notice it until it was long gone. She'd caught a mere glimpse of the pink haired beauty's bust, nad -
"I think we have our titnosis target now," Kanzaki warned. Tsk! They were heading in the same direction as Touma's place, too. Was that a coincidence, or...? "We have to intercept her on the double."
"Understood!" both Xenovia and Irina said as one. Time for them to move out and look into yet another ridiculous magical development.
======
Can we take a brief moment to appreciate that we're about to go through a fight scene that features Chibi-Usa from Sailor Moon (in adult form, more akin to Black Lady than the petite pinkette) up against Kanzaki and Stiyl from the To Aru universe teaming up with Xenovia and Irina from High School DxD?
Because that - that's something wonderful isn't it? It's just a shame that Negima isn't also involved at this point too.
Anyway, Chibi was rushing across the rooftops of Academy city straight to her intended destination. That block of flats, that's where her mother was! She could hardly wait to see what she was like in this time. They could catch up, compare tit sizes, maybe gossip a bit, head out and party -
But then, without warning, something appeared right in front of her. A person blocking her way. A woman wearing torn jeans and a weird looking shirt, standing there defiantly.
"Hey," the girl asked. "What business do you have with Kamijo Touma?"
"Who is that?" Chibi sincerely asked. She wasn't in the mood to play around right now, not when she was so close to finally catching up with her mother! Yet as she passed by this weirdo standing on the rooftop, another weirdo made an appearance.
"Hold it right there!"
It was some blue haired chick swinging a really, really big sword. Normally a big sword wouldn't be too much of a concern for someone at her level of capability - but her instincts were screaming at her to get the fuck out of there and so, she did just that. Leaping away before the blow could land, yeah no thanks, not taking that hit if it can be -
"Gotcha!" a spicy redhead added, striking from a blind spot and cutting deeply into Chiba's arm. She wheeled around, tears welling up in her eyes. Ow, ow, ow, ow! "Huh? I thought I got more of her than that."
"Don't look at her chest!" the blue haired one yelled, rushing in . Is that so? Chiba immediately lifted her head and made to flash her chest - and the blue haired girl immediately planted her sword in the rooftop and whirled away like she was dancing on a stripper pole rather than a bladed instrument of death and misery.
"Oooh! You girls are so mean!" Chibi huffed. "Why does everyone in this dumb city want to pick a fight?"
"I don't get it, that should have purified her!" the redhead said. Hrm? You know, now that she was thinking about it, that cut... It was already healing on her arm, but Chibi could feel it. Her mother was the master of purification magic, and that sword was positively glowing with it. "Why does she still have those... those... utterly... perfect... tits...?"
"Snap out of it!" the bluette yelled. "Cover your eyes!"
"Dummy!" Chibi huffed again, rising to her feet now that her arm was fully healed. "Tits are pure. You can't purify them because they're already perfect the way they are. Duh! A pair of flat chested idiots like you need to learn a lesson."
Flat chested. That's something neither girl had been called before. By any reasonable standard, they were actually pretty full and bountiful. Not by this girl's standard though. Put it this way. When the girls from the titty anime get called flat then something is weird around these parts.
Now, Chibi didn't want to hurt them. Physically. She had no problem hurting their feelings. That's why she hadn't fought back. Not yet, at any rate. Instead, she decided to finish whipping them out. Put a quick end to this. Maybe teach them some manners, get them to not spontaneously attack strangers for no good reason beyond tit envy.
But! But, as she made the attempt something very strange happened. She felt something incredibly thin and incredibly sharp and incredibly strong press up against her body. It cut through her clothes as she tried to move. She blinked a bit, remained still, and then looked around more carefully.
Wires. There were wires everywhere on the rooftop. A dome of them, centred about Chibi's location. Huh? When was that - Huh?!
"You're a dangerous one for sure," the girl in the ripped jeans said. "You seem to think we've attacked you for no good reason. Well then, why don't you tell me why you were heading to that particular block of flats? The only time a stranger with bizarre magic wants to meet that boy is if they're after something dangerous."
"Oh, I get it," Chibi said. "Your boyfriend, is he? This Touma guy? You're worried that a gorgeous bountiful beauty like me will charm him off his feet at a single glance! The protective act really isn't cute, you know."
The wires tightened a tiny fraction. It felt like, if she breathed wrong, she'd be ripped to shreds. Then, a moment later, they loosened up again.
"Please do take this seriously," the girl said. "Answer the question, What purpose did you have going there?"
Chibi pouted. She didn't like being told what to do. "I'm going to smoosh Touma's face right into my big fat titties," she said. "I'll plant his brain in between my heaving titties and swing them around and around until he's been turned to mushy mush, unable to do anything but stare and drool at my big heaving titties."
The wires tightened up again. Tighter this time, than before!
"Wahhhhhh!" Chibi squealed, like mother like daughter. Usagi would give that cry a ten out of ten on the 'pathetic' scale. "Stop being meeean! I just want to find my mother!"
"I see, now we're getting somewhere," Kanzaki said. "Now I want you to tell us about this power you use. I understand it is called... titnosis."
"Oh, these?" Chibi sniffed. "I mean, yeah. I'm kinda amazed you guys don't have it yet. I guess this must be from before it was a common thing? Anyway, these perfect titties can blank your brain if you stare at them too much. Or touch them. You should touch them. You should really, really touch them, they feel so great against your skin, and - Yipe!"
"I'm not falling for -" the girl in the ripped jeans began, before suddenly having to jump away from the blue haired girl. "Xenovia?!"
"You should touch them..." the girl who apparently was called 'Xenovia' burbled. "Must make you touch them!"
"Oh no! Snap out of it!" the redhead yelled. She leaped in to attack herself, little realising how pointless it was. Xenovia blocked her attack and pushed her back - right into Chibi's waiting arms. That sword swing of hers hadn't just been aimed at the ripped jeans girl, but also the threads holding her in place!
"Eh?!" the redhead gasped as her head sank right back into Chibi's tender cleavage. "Oh. Oh! S-So soooooft~"
"That's right," Chibi cooed, bouncing and jiggling her titties around, giving her scalp a nice long titty massage. "I'll just give your brain a quick scrub, and then - "
======
This... was a very bad situation. This pink haired girl was absurdly powerful as it was, being unable to look at her chest made her even more impossible to deal with. It was even worse with Xenovia turning against her. Hypnosis powerful enough to brainwash a Devil through simple commands and while barely moving? There could be no question - this was an unprecedented threat! More ridiculous than she could comprehend!
And in the back of her mind was a whisper: Based on what she'd been saying, her mother was likely at Touma's place. That woman might be even stronger than - No, it would be best not to dwell upon it.
"My apologies Xenovia," Kanzaki said. She bit her thumb to draw blood, and then splattered some of it on the Devil's forehead. The flesh on Xenovia's forehead began to sizzle, but -
"Tiiiiits~" Xenovia drooled, utterly oblivious. The situation was worse than she'd expected! Even worse still, out of the corner of her eye Irina was blatantly falling under the influence... without falling! Which should be impossible for anything but those utterly majestic, perfect, worshipful -
She forced herself to look away. "Stiyl! You'd better be ready right about now!"
"Huh!" Stiyl grunted from his nearby hiding place. "It's funny. I'm not usually the one to haul your butt out of the fire."
He must have finished planting all of his runes then. For further evidence - see the large fire golem that had appeared on the rooftop, looming over them and casting a shadow over the back of the pink haired girl. She didn't want to go to such desperate measures, but -
"Oh hey, you're super cute!" the pink haired menace cooed, seeming oblivious to the danger. "Aw, you're angry! Tee hee! Look Irina. Wanna see me perform a trick? Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy..."
"Wh-What?" Kanzaki gasped. Xenovia's blade swung down hard, and she barely managed to roll out of the way of that one. The girl was determined! Not in her own will, but determined nonetheless! Yet the thing that Kanzaki was seeing was somehow even more terrifying than the sight of Xenovia's swinging sword.
That sight being the giant flame golem standing right where it was, staring blatantly and nakedly at the pink haired girl's hypnotic tits. That shouldn't be possible. The thing didn't have a mind or will of its own, and Stiyl was in a position where he couldn't see any of this. Hell, she'd insisted he cover his eyes for the duration of the battle! The golem should be automatically moving to attack her, not leering over her like a -
"Tiiiiits!"
"Could you stop that for just ten se-"
"Tiiiiits!"
Oh no, Irina as well?! That was impossible! If an Angel succumbs to lust, they're meant to Fall! Yet there was no sign of Irina becoming a Fallen Angel! How?! What the hell was this... This ludicrous ability called 'Titnosis'? This was no time to hold back. She'd intended to bring this girl in alive for questioning, but at this rate that was no longer an option.
"Who is a good fire golem? You're a good fire golem!" the girl cooed, as if she was addressing a puppy rather than the Witch Burning Pope. Some of the runes around the roof exploded right in the girl's face, leaving little flames smouldering - and she simply trod on them as if they weren't even there. Unphased. Completely unaffected. "Aw, did you spit up? You poor thing!"
That was it. The last straw. Kanzaki hated to do this, but it was clearly warranted. You see, Kanzaki herself was no stranger to incredible power and the burden of it. She kept most of it sealed away, so that it didn't hurt her... or those around her.
"Stiyl, I suggest you create distance," Kanzaki warned, and then activated it. She went into her God Breaker mode. Unleashed her full strength. It meant she'd only be able to fight for a little while, but that should be fine. At this point, if she was fighting an enemy that required this then the fight wouldn't be long anyway.
From Xenovia's point of view Kanzaki probably seemed to have vanished. The first anyone probably knew of any of this was when she kicked the pink haired girl square in the back, sending her flying through several buildings. In the opposite direction of Touma's apartment block, incidentally.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" the enemy cried out, before righting herself and skidding to a halt on another rooftop. She was bleeding from the mouth, but it was healing quickly. "Hey! You big meanie! Trying to stop a cute lost girl from meeting her moth- "
She looked up just in time to see Kanzaki leaping down from above with her sword drawn. The Shichiten Shichitou was a blade capable of cutting even Angels. While she felt a smidgen of guilt for whoever lived below them right now, this girl was a genuine menace that had to be stopped. She tried to rise - but found that Kanzaki had been a step ahead of her. Pinning her to the rooftop via her seven cables.
The blow was aimed for the head. As much as she hated killing, it was truly unavoidable in this case - Except that something unexpected happened. The girl didn't break free. Nor could she use her bizarre hypnotic tits to stymie Kanzaki. Instead?
"Tiiiiits!" both Irina and Xenovia moaned while tackling Kanzaki aside. Blast! The two of them had their wings out! It was the only way they could have moved fast enough to keep up with her in this mode. She whirled around aiming to push them aside, but it was still two against one. An Angel and a Devil. Not an easy pair of opponents, even for a Saint.
"By the way do you know the bestest, best part about titnosis?" the girl said, still trapped in place by the cables. Irina tried to trip Kanzaki, but for her trouble only got her own legs tangled up. "It's super easy to learn." Next, Xenovia tried some form of suplex. The girl was strong, terrifyingly so, but her mind lacked the focus to make it work. Kanzaki's main advantage over them right now was how thoroughly distracted they were, and she was going to exploit it thoroughly. "All a girl has to say is... Boobicus Maximus."
By the time she'd finished her sentence Kanzaki was in front of her again, ready to strike with a sword... when she heard those dreaded words repeated on either side of her.
"Boobicus Maximus."
That was the only warning she received before a pair of soft growing mounds completely surrounded her head. She was engulfed on all sides. Ah! They were growing quickly! Becoming... soft! Impossibly soft! It felt like her head was sinking into quicksand! Was this, could it be titnosis? No, surely not. If she was being brainwashed or hypnotised, then her mental defenses should kick in at any time, rendering her unconscious.
Yet... they did not. They grew and they grew and it became more and more comfortable for her to simply sit here and bask in the experience. Ahhhh~ Was this all it was? Surely not. Given how those two girls had been moaning about tits it couldn't purely be this. Sure. They were perfect. If she were in a heretical mood, she might even call them divine, but - To be left moaning insensate, robbed of your common sense and decency, left moaning about tits, tits, perfect tits? It didn't make sense.
"Mmmmmf~" the pink haired girl whimpered. "There we go, now that you're a bit more relaxed I can get out of this without hurting myself. Ahem! Time to finish what these two started!"
Huh? What was - Huh?! She felt something wonderful pressing into her chest. Ah! Ah! Ahhhhh~ That felt amazing! Wh-what was that?
"Wanna feel like that all the time?" the girl asked. "Wanna feel all titted up and wonderful and horny all the time? All you have to do is say the magic wo~ords!"
Kanzaki held out longer than most, to her credit. With three sets of tits surrounding her on all sides, anyone else would have broken immediately. Yet Chibi had to keep going. She had to repeatedly talk about how wonderful titnosis was, that it wasn't something to be afraid of, how much easier it would be to learn about it if she had it herself, and also made sure to do something personally embarrassing sometime in the next 24 hours as penance for punching her, and -
"Boobicus maximus!"
It simply made too much sense for her to deny any longer. Of course. THe perfect way for her superiors to learn about it would be if she came back with the power herself! Show them the effects! Why, maybe they could even join in the research! Haaaa! Haaaaa! That made sooooo much sense, she wasn't being dumb at all, this all made total and complete sense!
She barely noticed as the target grumbled about how long that took before returning off on her route. Ooooh~ This was a new form of magic for her to explore... and it was her intention to explore it thoroughly alongside Irina and Xenovia.
"Tits!"
======
Across the distance of half Academy City, a stern looking man put down a pair of binoculars. "That was... deeply concerning."
Next to him, a silver haired youth tilted his head and lowered his own pair. "That was the most ridiculous battle I've ever seen."
"Yes, but it was still concerning," the man said. "For one called 'Fate', you seem unconcerned with the implications this could have. To overwhelm a Saint, a Devil and an Angel so easily...Bypassing their normal means of mental defence..."
"And for one of God's Right Seat, you're a little too relaxed about the fact she has a Star Seed," Fate Avernicus calmly remarked. "What will you report to your colleagues, Aqua of the Back?"
"I'm not certain," Aqua replied. "I fear that the report may be mistaken for some crude attempt at erotica. Yet... there can be no doubt. This threat may be lewd, but it is a tremendous one. To the Church, and hence to all of mankind."
"Hrmph," Fate shrugged. "There you go again, equating humanity's destiny with that of Christianity... Oh well. We'd better spread the word. Though. How are we going to deal with those three? Can't risk sending women to them, they might pick it up too. Got any eunuchs?"
Aqua stared down at the little troublemaker, then departed so quickly it was like he'd never been there in the first place. It seemed as though moves would have to be made. Quickly. Before this threat engulfed the entire planet in its soft creamy bosom... And rendered everyone incapable of even wanting to escape.
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Sat Apr 05 15:09:36 2025