Dr. Patterson smiled at EZ's confused silence. "Now, EZ, don't be shy. It's true, we don't have a top program in any department. What someone of your sensibilities requires is the proper learning environment. We know that we've been joked about in the media, because of the unique protocol we have against date rape. As the perfect gentleman that your Ruud scholarship test scores make you out to be, I'm sure that's very important to you."
"Yes," EZ lied. Perfect gentleman? That made no sense. After a physical exam, the testers had him sit in a room watching a slide show while they monitored his heart rate, respiration, and eye movements. He was shown one provocative sexy woman after another in some pose of "softcore" near-nudity, and he was overheating and sweating in no time, fidgeting and squirming. He was positive he had flunked. And they said he was a gentleman?
As for all the recent news stories about Winck University, he liked that part the least. The very idea of a date being nothing but endless questions, such as "May I sit closer?" or "May I put my hand on your shoulder?" filled him with a chilling dread.
Dr. Patterson handed him a document. "Be sure to show this at registation. It will entitle you to enroll in your designated Whoops classes."
He couldn't believe his ears. "Whoops?"
"All classes with the notation WUPS."
"What's this at the bottom?"
"A minor privilege, within the strict confines of our social protocol. As a Ruud scholar you can simply nod or shake your head, instead of saying Yes or No. Do you have any questions?"
EZ wanted to ask how a university president could look so elegantly beautiful and busty, but thought better of it. "No, Dr. Patterson."
Go back - Go to the parent episode.
Thu Dec 18 10:23:03 2003