Fortunately, the author decided that it wouldn't make sense for Jim to go around saying things about hentai plants and authors, and the parts of his speech that don't fit got wiped from history.
"Look," said Jim, "I didn't really want my girlfriend to get raped by a plant. This woman who sold it to me seemed to be a ventriloquist, and I needed to get my girlfriend some roses. The plant looked like a big rose. I figured it was a joke. Maybe I could even tell Sharon it was a man eating plant and we could have a good laugh over it. I didn't expect it to be real."
"What do you mean, ventriloquist?" asked Sean.
"She kept saying things as if she was a space alien and she wanted to conquer Earth, but she was making a mistake and broadcasting her thoughts. I thought it was probably fake, and that even if it wasn't fake she's too ditzy to conduct a successful invasion."
"Great," said Sean. "Now, I'm pregnant by a plant, that's conducting a successful invasion."
"What do I tell them?" said Sean as the three of them went to the hospital, carrying pieces of the now dead plant. "That me and a girl were made pregnant by a plant? They'd never believe it."
A nearby nurse said "Wait a minute, were you just talking about a strange plant?"
"Er, sure," replied Sean.
"There's a guy on the third floor who knows about this," said the nurse. "You'd better come with me."
The nurse led them up an elevator and to the third floor, then to a room, and went outside. A few minutes later, she returned with a doctor whose nametag read "Doctor Brent", and she left.
"Ah," said the doctor, "You're the ones impregnated by a plant?" He looked at Sean's belly and poked at it; it had already grown quite a bit.
"Just them," said Jim. "The whole plant thing was my mistake."
"I bet you want to know the whole story," said the doctor. "You got it from a shop run by a strange woman."
"That's right," said Jim. "She acted like a very ditzy alien invader."
"She was. It's kept quiet to avoid panic, but a lot of people know about it, especially doctors and scientists. She's a very ditzy alien invader. Let me explain... imagine that you went completely nuts and took a ship to China and said 'I'm going to invade China'."
"Huh?" said Sean.
"If you did that," said the doctor, "you'd be a foreign invader. But you wouldn't be a very good one. It's not as if China would be invaded by an army, it's just one insane person. Well, this woman is the same way. She's a space alien and she's invaded us, but that's because she's a nutcase. It's a one person invasion that has nothing to do with any fleets of ships or anything like that, and it doesn't put anyone in danger. The plants she brought cause people trouble, but they won't really be any good in taking over the planet, unless you're an insane space alien who thinks that causing trouble helps take over the planet."
"But I'm pregnant! And I'm a guy, except that it changed me! I don't want to have plant babies."
"Your babies will be pretty much normal. The plant is an alien pregnancy aid."
"What do you mean 'pretty much'?" asked the jogger.
"Well, they'll develop pretty fast. You'll give birth before the end of the day and they may grow and learn fast for a while after. There may be a few other minor differences, but it's not as if they'll have three arms or suddenly start going berserk and killing all Earthmen.
"I don't want to give birth," said Sean, "even if the baby is human except for some minor differences. What about an abortion?
"You're already the equivalent of around five months pregnant, I'd guess," said the doctor. "By the time we could set things up for an abortion, it'd be too late. You'll just have to have the babies."
The jogger was already being led away. The story continues with Jim and Sean.
Sun Apr 22 20:14:14 2007